Everything you should stop saying to Scouse people
No, I will not say ‘chicken’ for you
Liverpool is by all accounts, a pretty amazing city. It has four universities, a couple of weird birds looking over it, and an unparalleled sense of community throughout. The problem is that none of this comes across to the outside world.
People meet us with entirely the wrong idea of what we and our city are about, like we’re trapped in a time warp. We won’t slash your tyres and I definitely don’t have a Scouse brow. Here are some things that get said to Scousers on a regular basis which need to stop.
Oh you’re from Liverpool? Hey, don’t try and rob me!
Wow that’s dead funny and original, I’ve not head that joke literally every day of my life. Well done mate.
We get it, Liverpool can be a bit rough around the edges. But the people who assume we are all criminals have most likely never spoken to anyone from Liverpool. There’s a mad opinion that we cant help but put stuff in our bags and run off with it.
Oh, you don’t sound like a proper Scouse person
Yes actually I do. Don’t think that you know what a “proper” Scouse person sounds like just because you’ve watched a couple of episodes of Brookeside or saw John Bishop on Live at The Apollo once.
Liverpool people are funny, aren’t they?
Of course, but now you’ve said that you are going to look at me and expect me to make you laugh. Honestly mate, it’s just going to be awkward for the both of us.
Do you know Steven Gerrard?
Pretty much everyone in Liverpool has some loose connection to Stevie G, ranging from being his best mate, to knowing his cousin’s ex girlfriend’s babysitter. Most of us will find a way to bring it up ourselves so there really is no need to ask.
Calm down calm down!
To be honest, 90 per cent of the time, we were probably completely calm until you insistently screeched this once you found out we were Scouse. Why do things like this always come to mind about people from Liverpool, as opposed to pleasant things like the Liverbirds or capital of culture?
Where are your Scouse brows?
Mate, that was in 2010. We have changed.
But where are your rollers?
I have actually never owned a pair of rollers in my life, but you’ve got to respect a girl who can multi task. Some Liverpool girls manage to get a full day of work in at the same time as they get ready for a night on Concert Square. I honestly thing that’s a CV worthy skill.
I honestly have no idea where this originates. Contrary to common beliefs, not every scouse person sounds like heavy TV static when they are pronouncing words with a “ck”. If I actually say chicken for you, you will be utterly unimpressed to find that it sounds no different to how you would say it.
You’re Scouse, you must like The Beatles right?
No. Well yes, I do, but that’s not the point. If you’ve been to Liverpool, you cant help but notice that The Beatles are postered pretty much everywhere around the city. To be honest, we are pretty sick of talking about it, after all they aren’t the only great people to come from Liverpool. We also have Paul O’Grady, Cilla Black, and the ginger one from Girls Allowed. Or was she from the Wirral? Speaking of which.
Oh I know a scouse person, he’s from the Wirral
No my friend, you know a Wool. Very different thing. If they don’t have a purple bin then they don’t count, sorry.