It’s not a girls’ night out until someone cries in the loos

‘Oh god Jane, you’re not crying again are you?’


University has equipped us with a heap of new skills. We have learnt how to live independently for the first time, how to cook and clean for ourselves, how to write to at academic standard, but possibly the most difficult thing to get your head around in university is the minefield that is The Girls’ Night Out.

Every stage of the girls night out has its own challenges, the first of which is finding a night you can all actually come out. Your group chat is inundated with messages like “Well I’m at Jeremy’s house Monday until Wednesday, I’m working Thursday and Friday, and going home Saturday… But I reaaaally want to go out this week xxx”. When you eventually  found a night everyone can do, it’s always riddled with conditions. You can’t start drinking until 10 because Katie is in  work, and you have to be back early because Lucy has a 9am the next day. But it’s alright, you think, you can make this work.

You get your kitchen ready for what you hope will be the best night out yet. You have three big bottles of blue WKD and your pre-drinks Spotify playlist is on point. The girls arrive and the night is going really well, until, oh wait, why is Jane trying to call her ex? “No Jane don’t cry, I’m sure he didn’t mean that. Well you did break up in year 11 so I can see why he might have moved on… NO do not call him again.” Well that’s Jane crying in the toilet and refusing to come out for the next hour, you’re off to a great start.

What are pre drinks without an inflatable giraffe?

What are pre drinks without an inflatable giraffe?

The next problem of the night is always the age old question: when should you actually leave? Half of the group want to get out before 11 for the free entry, and the other half laugh at the thought of being in town before 1am. A few of you are debating whether you even want to go out or would it be better to just stay in and watch the sing-along version of High School Musical. Eventually the allure of Levels becomes unavoidable so you hold what can only be described as an amateur photo shoot, and head out.

As soon as you get to town one of your friends becomes an instant magnet to all the creeps and weirdos that concert square has to offer. You have to create an impenetrable circle of dance in order to keep them away from her, and claim that her boyfriend is in the toilet if any of them ask. Despite all your efforts to keep them away, she always somehow manages to get cornered at the bar, so your efforts were in vein.

Classic toilet selfie

Classic toilet selfie

After you’ve been in town for a couple of hours and you’ve heard the last rendition of Work you are willing to put yourself through, all you can think of is cheesy chips. But of course you have that one friend who is convinced she wants to stay out until sunrise. She has no appreciation for your desperate need for carbs and is determined to force you to stay out until your legs can no longer hold you – which is a pretty accurate description of one of your friends who is now so drunk she needs at least two aids at her side at all times. After a mini-argument, an episode of tears,  and two taxis that have been ordered and sent away because your stubborn friend just wont get in, you are finally all on the same page when you decide to do the obligatory maccies run and call it a night.