It happens to the best of us
Whether you only just met at uni or you’ve known them since you were three, there comes an inevitable time in life when your best friend must answer to the call of cosy nights in and regular sex.
They’ll stop coming out with you as much, you’ll witness countless PDAs and you’ll definitely hear them having sex. They’re still your best mate, but whereas they’re still your bae, you’re no longer theirs.
You’ll start off pretending their other half doesn’t exist
Guess the third wheel
In the first stage of becoming a third wheel, you will ignore the fact you have even become one. Your worries about having no one to go out with anymore will be pushed to the back of your mind as you promise yourself nothing will change. Your friendship will be the same as always, except it won’t if both of you don’t make allowances.
You need to realise they will want time alone with their new beau, but at the same time, they need to not let their relationship become their whole life, and make time for their friends. Sometimes this can be super difficult at first, but go easy on each other and the equilibrium should be restored.
Then you’ll have fits of rage
Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. The more you let yourself feel that anger at first, the quicker it will go away. Don’t bottle it up, or it’ll turn into passive aggression. Who are you even angry with? Your friend, for abandoning you? Their boyfriend/girlfriend, for stealing your best mate away?
Your friend is happy, so you wonder why you aren’t. Don’t make your friend feel guilty for finding someone they like. Yes, it’s frustrating, and it feels like you have to make appointments to see them weeks in advance. Of course you’re going to get pissed off when you get ditched for cuddles.
Your loneliness will hit you and you’ll get really sad
The anger has gone, and now you’re left feeling sad. Loneliness has taken its toll and you not only begin to suffer from no longer having your friend all to yourself, but every so often you look at them as a couple and wonder why you can’t have what they have. You want to feel the love too, but you just don’t.
Happy drunken nights out with the gang don’t happen anymore, and when they do they probably bring their new piece of arm candy along. You can no longer giggle together about that boy they got with in the club because it’s the same one every week for a year. The opportunity isn’t even available to catch up with them after the night out because they leave the club to go crash with bae.
If all else fails, grab a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and go full Bridget Jones, lip syncing Celine Dion to your future 17 cats.
Get over it, being single is more fun
You can still make time to hang out with your mate just you two
You have to accept your friend is happy, and be happy for them. Yes, they won’t always be in the house, but don’t alienate them for having different priorities now.
They never stopped being your friend, they just can’t give you 100 per cent of their time anymore. Because they’re Facebook official that makes them old news, and when they tell you and the rest of your friends they’re going to Netflix and chill, it doesn’t sound half as exciting when it’s with their boyfriend of eight months, three weeks and 2.5 days.
If you aren’t already, try to be pally with your mate’s new love. You might really get on with them, heaven forbid you may even grow to consider them a friend. The more you spend time together as a group, the less you’ll feel like your BFF has been taken away.
As soon as two people become an item, it doesn’t mean they’ll start dry humping in lectures and getting off while you’re all eating breakfast. If the only time you see them is once every few months and they never call anymore, then maybe it’s time for a chat about how they need to reassess their time management. It’s all about balance, but this isn’t a competition for who comes first in their life, so don’t make them feel that way.