No hot water is just the start
You’re a fool born with a silver spoon in your mouth if you expect a life of luxury in your student house.
Everyone knows they’re not the nicest, and you’re probably going to have to put up with a few mishaps along the way. Couple that with the likelihood of falling out with your housemates – the ones you thought you’d be best mates forever with after a couple of months in halls – and tensions run pretty high.
But just imagine how much worse it is for these poor tenants, who have the worst luck in the world when it comes to renting.
No parents to help you here
Cottingham Road
Second year Sarah was devastated when she moved into her house on Cottingham Road. It has a spacious, open-plan living room and kitchen, but they can’t get rid of the stale smoke smell lingering from the previous tenants, clinging to the carpets and sofas. On closer inspection of the aforementioned sofa, you notice the cushions are sprinkled with complementary pubes and toenails. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to find a whole set.
Vom
Even though Sarah was under the impression the house would be freshly painted, deep cleaned, and sparkly new for when they arrived, it wasn’t. Instead, they had to scrub it themselves to get rid of the stickiness on the floors and worktops, and clean out the fridge and washing machine.
She told The Tab: “Oh my god, I’m literally so disgusted. It’s actually grim. I’m really annoyed they think just because we’re students, we won’t care or notice the house is absolutely filthy. We’ve paid them enough money, they could have at least done what they said they’d do in the contract.”
This property also boasts a rare treat –– a garden. This gem came complete with stinging nettles, discarded laughing gas canisters, and an upturned wheelie bin which hadn’t been emptied since the last tenants moved out. It sported items including soiled underpants, used condoms, and off meat which had so many maggots living on it, the letting company could have charged them rent too.
Newland Avenue
This property has unique features, such as rusty screws sticking out of the floors and kitchen cupboards –– for that welcome-home-now-you’ve-got-tetanus feeling –– and shards of glass in the bedroom carpets.
Second year Ailish, who lives here, said: “We’re paying rent to live here when we don’t even need to because university hasn’t even started yet. The least we could expect is to not sustain injury while we’re trying to move in. Who leaves glass on the floor?”
There were shards of glass in the carpets
Original
The sofa is even on stilts. It is teetering upon legs which can only be apologetically described as “shabby chic”. In the hallway, for the extra convenience of being able to remove it whenever the tenants please, the carpet is handily not even attached to the floor. So for you budding interior decorators, this is perfect for any seasonal changes you wish to make.
Auckland Avenue
This house comes with five, top quality, en-suite bathrooms…none of which have a toilet seat securely attached to the loo, so you’ll have to sit down carefully and hold your balance to make sure you don’t fall in. That isn’t all: the shower heads are what can only be described as flaccid, and while you’re trying to get the perfect angle for it to stay upright while you take a shower, prepare for the inevitable crash onto your poor, unsuspecting head.
The list of top of the range appliances provided by this landlord doesn’t stop there. There is also a vacuum cleaner provided, except this is no ordinary hoover. This hoover does the unconventional action of spitting out dust and chugging smoke from underneath it, rather than actually cleaning the carpets. The same fault occurred with the past three hoovers given to the tenants as replacements, until they eventually gave up hope and resigned themselves to a year of grubby feet.
Beverley Road
Fourth year Hayley had a right time of it in this property. Covered in damp, there were leaks through the roof providing the unfortunate tenants with an undesired indoor water feature. The house was also plagued with mice, whose squeaking and scratching under her bed at night reassured her she was never really alone.
She said: “Mice were an issue, as were leaking and mould and yes, it is still like that now. There were break ins, and the lock didn’t always work. It was a good year.”
Moist
Grafton Street
This house is similar to the fun houses you find at fairs, in that it is literally warped. The floor is lifting from the foundations, creating a crazy vibe in the house. This feature is also convenient for rolling items to each other from across the room when you can’t be bothered to get up.
When Rob, a second year, and his housemates moved in, they weren’t too happy to discover the boiler wasn’t working, stranding them without hot water for a week. The landlord did, however, provide free housewarming gifts: mousetraps –– hopefully this isn’t a sign of who they’ll be sharing their house with.
The garden has been left wide open to invite in any animals or drunken locals, and the wall separating them from next door is only two feet high, giving them a spectacular view of the flea bitten sofa, piles of empty lager cans and stray rabid cats their neighbours have on show.
Groovy baby
Hi neighbours
Rob said: “It’s honestly a lot nicer on the inside. To say they were supposed to have the house ready for us to move in, we had eight lights out, the boiler wasn’t working, and the floor was lifting up from the foundations in the living room. It was simple stuff too, like there was no plug in the sink and one of the drawers didn’t have a bottom, which is pretty easy to fix.”
Their yard backs onto an alleyway piled high with rubbish, and there’s no gate or wall separating them from anyone who should decide to wander down said alleyway.
He added: “The yard backs onto the alleyway but we’re not sure where it goes. I’m not sure whether or not I want to find out. Apparently there’s a lot of crime down this street. People can just waltz in willy nilly.”