How to fake it as a Glasgow Uni student
You have to make sure everyone knows you’re vegan
1. Have enough money to look especially edgy:
Every few weeks make sure you check in with mum and dad to beg them for your next weekly instalment of money so that you can get that especially homeless looking jumper you saw in Urban Outfitters the other day. You just simply can’t afford to keep up that edgy or dispossessed look without an extra £50 rolling into your already maxed out overdraft.
2. Ironically wear a nose ring
Note: must be paired with fashion glasses, which are ironic too! How edgy.
3. Get yourself a Fjallraven Kanken rucksack
Yellow, green or burgundy are best. Perfect for carrying about your [insert inherently Glasgow uni object here] with some handy side pockets perfectly sized for a bottle of buckfast.
4. Say youre broke 24/7
But then end up having dinner in Paesano/Bar soba/ Old Salty’s. You probably have zero items in your fridge and insist on going out for dinner every night despite waiting for your student loan and faking to your mates that you only have £5 in your account.
5. Perfect that ridiculous annoyingly privileged Glasgow Uni accent
How else will people know you're originally from suburban Edinburgh?
6. Put your perfectly poached eggs on your Instagram story
… like, every day (Extra points for avocado)
7. Wear ironically unfashionable glasses
Make sure that the pair you choose cover most of your face, but not in a chic Audrey Hepburn way.
8. Study philosophy
And ensure you arrive to lectures wearing a bomber jacket and carrying a grande skinny macha coconut milk, barista secretly spat in your coffee when you weren't looking, latte.
9. Tell everybody you know that you have an alcohol problem
But deep down you know that you can barely stomach a shot of Bucky on a good day…
10. Be a vegan
But like only for the Insta, amirite?