A list of every reason why Caley students are better than Glasgow students
why UofG needs a lesson or two from Caley
Dear Glasgow University, it's us, the real Glasgow students. Now, we’ve watched you over the years. You come to our city, rent the best flats and get the best tables at starbucks, but NO MORE. Its time for GCU to tell you it straight, we don’t like you, and here's why.
You say GU is your first choice Uni… it's just not
Don't pretend you haven't done it, at some point in freshers' week you’ve all told your story of how you ended up at GU. But let's not beat around the chips and curry sauce, you're lying. You tried to get into Edinburgh or Oxbridge but you failed, so the next best thing was obviously…. St Andrews, but they don’t accept idiots. So you’ve ended up at GU. Congrats, now you can lie to yourself that you’re not a total failure.
You Pay to Win, AKA Private school
You tory pillock. Your parents didn’t want you mixing with the rest of the population in fear that your school would leave you with straight Bs (awww poor you) . Whilst you guys were tucking into your three course dinner served by the matron, the rest of us were in the queue beside Gregs to buy a £1.25 stake bake that's been made by a greasy old woman in her 60s. So next time you loudly complain about your cold fish and chips from school, Please remember the rest of us had it worse….much worse.
The girls are gluten free, vegan, sportswear clad liars
For some reason GU girls are addicted to not eating meat? It seems everyday a new vegan, anti lactose, gluten free, taste free smoothie shop opens on Great Western Road. Another thing that we at Caley don't understand is your need to wear sportswear while visiting these torture houses, as well as literally everywhere else you go. WE ALL KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING TV FOR 3 HOURS. Stop kidding yourself, ladies.
You grew up on an estate, we grew up on THE estate
For those of us who comes from the estate, we have only a few things to be proud of: not getting mugged by the local NEDS, finishing 6th year and our fashion sense. Watching you lot fully clad is Adidas gear for a night out in Hive is ironic, to say the least. You're more like Gemma Collins than a roadman. Just stick to your Barbour jackets and umbrellas, don't we already have enough cultural appropriation already?
You're all about the money
Never in my life have I heard so many people utter the word ‘hummus’. You see, we at Caley appreciate the simple things in life. For instance, a pint at the local, a day at the football, maybe even a birthday surprise visit to Harvey Nichols. But over at GU it seems a quick catch up with friends means a trip to the speciality gin bar, a night with the boys is stretched to a ‘ hospitality package at Scotstoun’, and a birthday treat is a weekend in the Bahamas. Please guys… we’re just happy with a trip to centre parks tbh.
So to all the GU students out there, we may not see you that often, but when we do, try not to be such a cliche.