What your Glasgow Uni gym level says about you
Are you a fitness freak?
Everyone can agree the Stevie is a pillar of our university.
More than the Subway in the Union, more than the microwaves in the Fraser Building, this slightly sad looking pinnacle of seventies architecture is something that Glasgow University couldn’t manage without.
The mere mention of it makes exercise lovers’ eyes light up and if you’ve never set foot in the door during your uni career, then shame on you. Through careful observation and deliberation, we have compiled a very (un)scientific report on what the floor you choose to frequent says about you.
Level one – Swimming pool
Unless you’re a professional swimmer, level one is for those who like to take a more leisurely approach to keeping fit. A few lengths of breaststroke and a steam room and they’re set for the day. Usually frequented by elderly ladies down for their daily gossip or fuckboys going for a sauna before a “big night out.”
Level two – PowerPlay
You’re a brave soul if you venture down on to level two. Filled with unnecessary testosterone-fuelled grunting and machines resembling instruments of medieval torture, it’s not for the faint hearted. If you find yourself on level two, you’re clearly a serious gym goer that knows what they’re doing (or at least you think you do). There are three main types of people who generally frequent the weights room: the first is your standard lad, who’s all about #gains #rugbaaay and other lad things, and they enjoy posing in the mirror and doing excessive amounts of bicep curls; secondly, we have the dawdlers, they wander around a bit, slightly confused, awkwardly handle a few dumbbells and leave; and thirdly, if you look hard enough, you’ll find the elusive girl. Props to the lasses that actually manage to muscle in on a weights rack.
Level three – Pulse
Level three is the everyman’s gym level, where young and old, sporty and unsporty, accordingly and non accordingly dressed (I’m looking at you denim wearers) can come and suffer through the sweaty pain of cardio together. There’s nothing quite so heartwarming as the agonised glances exchanged between two treadmill users or the nods of knowing encouragement given by passers by to those dragging themselves up, step after step, on the satanic creation that is the stair machine. If you find yourself mainly on level three, I’m sorry to say, you’re pretty average.
Level four – Sports halls
You’re probably a Muay Thai member or Basketball player, aren’t you? For the GUSA lovers, only the truly dedicated can be bothered to scale this set of stairs up to the mysterious higher plateau that is level four. You may also be a gym-class goer – one of those supercircuits attendees. You know what we mean – the fitness freaks.
Level five – Sports classes
Basically, you can’t be bothered to work out unless someone is telling you what to do. You’re the people who like to be spoonfed. The people that venture up to level five, perhaps for yoga or for kettle bells, are generally fitness dark horses, though. If you’re wondering how your flatmate is mysteriously losing weight, this is why. A level for the gym snakes.
Level six – Revolve
A relatively new addition to the Stevie, revolve goers are the most serious out of everyone. They scale those stairs with one purpose in mind and one purpose only – ripping themselves a new body. These are secret masochists and love to be shouted at and told to push through the pain. Beware if you have a friend that goes to revolve.
Choose your next level wisely.