How to fit in at Viper

Upon arriving to Glasgow three years ago, Viper still holds number one in my eyes as the best club in G-town, despite its recent refurbishment.

Many of my fondest and maybe slightly blurred memories occurred intoxicated in Viper (but I should probably take this moment to apologise to the bouncers for splurging my life stories upon them).

So, for those of you yet to visit Viper, or even those of you who class yourself as #ViperLoyals keep reading for a complete guide on viper etiquette.

The refurb is cool af

When

Viper is all about Monday Night Heat, I <3 Viper Wednesdays or FOMO Fridays. MNH and FOMO are less crowded (marginally) than Wednesday nights, so if you fancy a lil’ more dancing room to cut some shapes, these are the best nights for you. Otherwise, if you’re part of a sports team or fancy the likes of muscly guys and toned gals, head on down on a Wednesday and you’ll be sure to bump into some fine talent. IMPORTANT: always pretend to be part of a sports team on a Wednesday to get free entry. If you’re not too shattered from Thursday night Hive, FOMO Fridays is the place for you.

Unless it’s an event night or word on the street is plenty of people are going, I’d recommend going at 11pm onwards, as the dance floor area only opens later on. On occasions I’ve been wandering down Great Western Road heading to pres and have been handed with free pass viper tickets, so if you’re feeling lucky try a detour route to your pal’s pres.

Loving a Wednesday night

What to wear

Literally anything you have in your wardrobe will qualify for Viper entry. We all know it’s the local haven of fancy dress. However, I would suggest that classic girl code of “jeans and a crop” if you want to fit in and look identical to every gal in there. It’s a great way to hide from guys you think you met a few drunken nights ago by just merging into the crowd.

I’d even go so far as to say no heels higher than small boot heels. Many a time I thought I could hack heels in viper and I ended up stumbling across that cobbled street and waking up to multiple bruises.

Casual white girl vs fancy dress

What to drink

Back before Viper was renovated, the obsession for the £10 bottles of wine was unreal. A part of me wants this to be brought back because of the obvious bargain for a club drink, but the other part does see the safety issue of rowdy students holding glass bottles. Therefore, I stick to the classic single shot + mixer for £1.50. If you enter Viper pretty sober I would suggest the big jug (and straw!!) of two Dragon Soops for a tenner. Pricey but effective. There’s the option of a Viper Venom which also does the job. IMPORTANT: bring cash because the minimum spend is £10 and ain’t nobody got time for that.

P.S. look out for their witty phrases at the bar that are always relatable.

V relatable

What music

The best part about Viper is that you can dance to tunes you actually know the words for as most of what is played is top 40 and charts, with some house remixes threaded through. Hearing “Bang my Head” always involves me jumping up onto the tables and screaming at the top of my lungs. You always know your dancing will be top notch as you know exactly what bangers you can expect to be played. Spoiler alert: we’re actually allowed to stand on the booth tables now!!!

Dos and Donts

Queuing for the girls’ toilets is an absolute mare so try and make touching up your makeup to a bare minimum. Also, make sure you’re prepared for the queues outside viper, they can sometimes last an hour so make sure to wrap up warm. Always hit up Café India or 727 on your way home. Food is the answer to all your morning-after problems. A word of warning is that, every Glaswegian uni student can probably say they have attended Viper, and therefore you’re 10x more likely to meet your ex ting that you’re desperately trying to avoid. And with all clubs, you will of course be featured in some horrific photographs that many students will come across so don’t pull your ugliest face.

Noice