Things I’ve seriously heard Glasgow students say

Is this real life?

Glasgow students are already infamous for their “Glasgow Uni accents” and West End idiosyncrasies, and to heighten this stereotype we’ve been doing some detective work since the start of term and compiled a list of things we’ve actually, seriously, legitimately heard you lot say. In public.


Great chat

On food 

Why would you shop anywhere else tho

Why would you shop anywhere else tho

“Are Waitrose still selling Medjool dates?”

“This avocado is nowhere near ripe enough to go with my poached eggs”

“I’ve lost my Waitrose card. Mate, I’ve lost my fucking Waitrose card.”

“You know, the Ubiquitous Chip is nice, but the Corinthian is nicer”

“My Dad wanted to take me to Ashton Lane for my grad dinner, and I was like, are you serious?”

“I only go into Waitrose for the free coffee”

“I never buy reduced food. It’s like food homicide”

“Shall we go to BRGR or Bread Meats Bread?”

On drink

beer bar


“Did you know that Jägerbombs are only a pound in Sanctuary?”

“It’s one of life’s biggest mysteries that you can’t buy Dragon Soop in Tesco”

“All you need for a night is to down a bottle of Bucky”

“I once had three pints of fun and it was loose”

“Shall we get Smirnoff?” “Are you joking? Do I look like I can afford Smirnoff?”

“What flavour Soop are you getting tonight?” “Passion fruit, obviously, ya dick”

On love

Where love happens

Where love happens

“Having a girlfriend at uni is so overrated anyway”

“I fall in love every time I go to the library”

“Last night I got with four different girls in Hive, and it wasn’t even difficult”

“One Soop down and I’ll literally get with anything”

“My Tinder took me on a date to Coopers”

“If you don’t get with a rugby boy, it doesn’t even count”

“I think it’s the tweed rugby jacket that does it for me”

On social lives

Get ready

What’s Hive? Said no-one ever

“If you haven’t had a booth in Viper, you haven’t lived”

“I once didn’t go out for a week and I felt like I’d been reborn”

“A party on Kersland Street? Pah, I’d rather go to bed”

“If you don’t go to Subby or Art School, you don’t go out”

“I would never be seen dead at a sports social. Like, you have to dress up”

On clothes


Classic Adidas

“I once dressed up like I was edgy, and well, now I’m edgy”

“I don’t understand when people don’t buy their clothes from vintage shops”

“This Adidas jacket started off as a joke but now it’s my designated sesh jacket”

“If you don’t have a pair of sesh trainers, you’re doing it wrong”

“I haven’t worn a pair of heels out in three years”

On not getting into Edinburgh

Second choice I swear

Second choice I swear

“I swear Edinburgh was my second choice anyway”

“Edinburgh sucks. So what they have a castle and a really fucking cool Christmas market”

“Glasgow is so much edgier anyway. Edinburgh don’t even know what techno is”

“I should’ve just gone to fucking Napier”


“Where actually is Loch Lomond though?”

“Sometimes I get in a Network taxi and I can’t understand a word the driver says so I just agree”

“I’ve literally got the highest IQ at Glasgow, pal”