Life being tall at Glasgow University

Being tall can have its advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes, you’re cursing your also-tall parents about your genes, and others you’re thanking biology for your gangly legs and giraffe-like silhouette. Perhaps to enlighten shorter people who have undoubtedly always wondered what it’s like to be able to reach things, or perhaps to let fellow tall people know they’re not alone in their endeavours, I’ve composed ten things you’ll know if you’re tall at Glasgow Uni.

ADVANTAGES

1. Nothing is ever out of reach

Top shelf? What top shelf? Waitrose and Tesco Byres Road can’t better you – you’ve got that slightly-on-tip-toes-extended-arm-reach down to perfection. You feel like a superhero when shorter people are struggling to get something down – “Have no fear, lanky long legs is here,” you think, as you swoop in to grab whatever it is they need. You’ve never had to ask a supermarket assistant for anything in your life – you’re independent, baby.

Those shelves won’t test me

2. You never lose your friends in Viper or Hive

If, suddenly, you find yourself alone because squad member one has decided to get a drink and squad member two has wandered off because that’s just downright typical of squad member two, you can use your height to your advantage. You realise that, this whole time, you’ve been dancing amongst a sea of midgets – since when did everyone get so small? Is there something in the Glaswegian water? You’re almost instantly able to scope out squad member one chatting to some guy at the bar, and you’re tall enough to even give her the “no-no” signal. Squad member two is dancing with a group of medics and you saunter over and put your limbs into action.

I’ll find you in this crowd

3. You can see if someone is balding

What? This is actually really handy.

4. You can act scary when you want to

Is a Glasgow Uni fourth year intimidating you? It’s hard for short people to obtain authority when they need it. But with you, one glance can send a tremble through your enemy’s spine. It’s really easy to accomplish the mean-girl/I-don’t-give-a-damn/come-at-me-bro look: you just need to sneer down your nose and use your height to loom over your opponent like a human skyscraper.

5. You find it easy to buy clothes that suit you

Maybe it’s because models are tall, but for some reason you don’t have a problem finding things to wear. Even the weirdest garments in Topshop Buchanan Street look ok, and even when you don’t put much effort in. Of course, this is mainly for tops and dresses – it can be a pain to find trousers the right length for your spindly legs, which brings me onto point number six:

DISADVANTAGES

6. It’s a miracle if you can find trousers the right length

I’m sure you’ve all spent a hefty amount of time trying to find school trousers that don’t look like three-quarter-lengths. I used to get mine from New Look and it was always impossible to find ones that were leg 32 or 34. I’d barge through the shop, cursing about our generation of dwarves and how life isn’t fair for tall people. What about the tall sections, I hear you say? They only seem to cater for actual giants and/or models, and you always feel like a bit of a goof perusing the tall aisle. It’s almost impossible to find that happy medium.

7. You feel uncomfortable wearing heels

Nights out are a chore when you don’t know what shoes to wear. If you’re tall, you can only really wear trainers, sandals, or (very small) wedges. Heels are pretty much out of the question, unless you want to be bending down to speak to people all night or have your head cut out of the squad photo. The last time I wore proper heels on a night out, I had three different guys say to me, “Wow! You’ve got tall, haven’t you?” Newsflash – I AM TALL. Of course, the advantage of not wearing heels is the feeling of satisfaction when your shorter friends have to take theirs off during the night or have to trudge home early because their feet hurt. Revenge tastes sweet.

Designated night-out Converse

8. You tower over a lot of guys

This is up there with the biggest annoyances of being tall. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t tend to find someone shorter than me attractive, and I’m sure this applies vice-versa. If you’re wearing your hybrid sandals/wedges in Viper when speaking to a guy, it becomes humiliating for both parties when both of you realise that you’re bending down slightly to speak to them like they’re your little brother.

9. It’s hard to go unnoticed 

It’s very hard to be inconspicuous when you’re tall. If you decide to dress like a scruff and perhaps not shower for a couple of days, because, hey, it’s revision period, you will probably be noticed by everyone. Shorter people can scurry down the street through nooks and crannies on their path to the library, but you have to trudge up University Avenue using your giant strides knowing that you might as well have a neon sign flashing above your head – “LOOK AT ME, I’M TALL.”

10. Controlling your limbs is a trial

I don’t know if it’s because they’re longer, or what, but tall people always seem to be inherently clumsy. I always find myself tripping up stairs, tripping over pavements, or tripping on mid-air. Similarly, I’ve had to tone my dancing down on a few occasions for fear of decapitating someone with my flailing arm. Dance moves just never look cute or sexy when you’re tall – you can either go for the do-I-look-like-I-care-if-I-hospitalise-someone approach or you can glue your arms to your sides all night and bob up and down.

Help

Despite these trials, I wouldn’t trade being tall with being shorter. During this revision period, the greatest advantage is that I can spot a free computer in Glasgow Uni library from a mile away. Thanks for the genes, Mum and Dad.