I tried DIY teeth whitening and it actually worked

Everyone wants to have white teeth, it’s just a fact.

It’s almost impossible to find a toothpaste does not promote a having whiter teeth.   People with white teeth appear healthy, hygienic and ultimately, intimidatingly attractive. I am not healthy, carry out only the basic hygienic procedures and I’m certainly not intimidatingly attractive.

Even our news feeds have become become full of celebrities promoting teeth whitening at home products, but all one’s that are way out of a student price range. I’d rather be able to eat every day, thanks.

So I decided to do what anyone in my boat full of dreams would do, fled to the interweb and asked Google about my future life choices. After a few hours of research, my hopes were raised as it appeared that there were three ways to whiten your teeth at home that I could afford and that might actually work.

I gave myself three months to try out three different home whitening remedies and documented my life changing journey along the way. I took a picture at midday in front of my window, every day for three months to see if any of these methods actually worked (some of them actually did). Taking a selfie every day, cheesing as hard as you can with no filter whilst trying to find the exact same natural sunlight and pose is one of the most awkward/embarrassing/unflattering things I’ve ever done, but I did it and here are the results.

Here’s what happened when I tried them:

Baking soda, strawberries and salt

Method: Get yourself a shot glass, mash up a strawberry in it, add a pinch of salt and baking soda- bearing in mind the more gritty stuff you brush into your teeth the more likely it is you’re going to lose all the good stuff from them.

Rating: 1/5.

If that title isn’t enough to make you retch, then this picture of me retching certainly will.

I have no idea who came up with unholy concoction but oh my god, I have never tasted something so sinful in my life. At first, everything seems OK because you can taste the strawberries, but as soon as I started mixing this concoction unwillingly into my teeth I immediately regretted it. It tasted like what I imagine baking soda, strawberries and salt would. Fucking disgusting.

I can only compare it to what I imagine wallpaper paste, cement and Tesco’s basic vodka with strawberry laces mixed together would taste like.

After the initial shock to the system, I pushed through and the taste kind of died down as I lost all the feeling in my tongue and tears started pouring down my face.

After brushing for two minutes I spat it all out, said a few prayers and spent the rest of the day trying to not think about the taste that was now living in my mouth. My teeth were noticeably smoother and slightly shinier though so I did have hope. I repeated this procedure twice a week, for four weeks and by the end I had noticed a slight change in my teeth. They were slightly whiter, looked very shiny and they were still there which was the biggest surprise if I’m honest.

I never really got used to the horrific taste and it would only really be worth enduring that again if I woke up with perfect teeth and Tom Hardy lying next to me in bed.

Coconut oil pulling

Method: Melt it and dilute with water, swish around your mouth for 10 minutes.

Rating: 2.5/5.

As we all know, coconut oil has recently become the elixir of the life. I slam it on my hair, use it to cook my food with and absolutely cake my skin in the magical stuff so it kinda makes sense that I should start rubbing it on my teeth and sloshing it about in my mouth for twenty minutes every morning. I’m not a big fan of the taste of coconut oil, so melting and diluting it down with water really was not to my taste.

But fuck me it was better than the last month from Satan. The only annoying thing was how time consuming it was which really wasn’t a heavy price to pay for my slightly whiter teeth.

Hydrogen Peroxide and baking soda

Method: Grab a shot glass, fill it with Peroxide, mix in the baking soda and brace yourself.

Rating: 4.5/10.

Moving onto the method after spending a month having a luxurious coconut mixture every morning was horrific. Hydrogen Peroxide and Baking Soda is worse than Baking Soda, strawberries and salt. Way worse. It tastes like poison.  As soon as this hit my system I think my body went into lock down survival mode.

My flat mates must of thought I was possessed – I certainly thought I was as I began flapping about and choking as my eyes rolled back in my head.

After a five minute recovery period I managed to find the strength and take the plunge of the poison shot again. It was worse the second time round and after four weeks it never got easier.

Putting myself through this twice a week, for four weeks was absolutely brutal.

But by the end of the month I was amazed with results.

My teeth were white, super white. Everyone was commenting on them and even after the first week I had began to notice changes myself.

So basically, if you are a strong wee soldier and don’t mind the thought of damaging your teeth for life and tasting the most disgusting thing you can imagine regularly, then you can whiten your teeth for under a tenner and have good results.

Good luck.