It’s tough being a middle class white kid in Glasgow

My landlord doesn’t understand my accent

We speak for everyone when we say there’s nothing worse than having flat problems.

And it sure doesn’t help if your landlord is a useless idiot who won’t return your calls.

Spineless jellyfish that they are, landlords just aren’t helpful at all. They don’t sympathise and they don’t give a shit.

So thanks to them, us poor students have to put up with horrors only the likes of middle class teens have to put up with.



Or, as they are more commonly known, the devil’s spawn.

As much as we all love a party, these guys weren’t on the list. We’re not talking about the cute furry pets you’d find in a shop window, we’re talking huge, mutant, mauling machines that look more like the neighbour’s dog than rodents.

These bastards are tough. They can crawl through piping, hide under furniture, and they’ve even been found crawling in student’s beds. At least you don’t have to wake up alone.


Mould, damp and other grim stuff


We all love flowers, but this was really pushing the boat out. We had a tree. We had trees growing in our fucking living room.

Our flat was turning into Noah’s ark at a very rapid rate. Nature was taking hold and growing a beard was looking appealing.

The solution? Keep your flat clean for fuck’s sake. Sort yourselves out or you’ll be living in Jurassic bloody Park.

On the plus side, it made a fab substitute for a Christmas tree this year.

Broken kettles and broken souls

This has to be the most frustrating first world problem you will ever experience. Even something as simple as a broken kettle can ruin lives.

How are you ever going to get through that essay without a good brew?


Bring out the moany bitch in you and nag your landlord all day every day. They can’t ignore you forever, although by the time you’ve finished with them, it’s likely that they’ll dislike you with every ounce of their being.

But who cares? They shouldn’t have been such twats in the first place. You don’t need them anyway. You’ve got enough friends.

Health and Safety Hazards 

So then the ceiling caved in. It literally collapsed because the wifey upstairs had a leaky fucking pipe.


And it happened in October and it still isn’t fixed.

Not sure about a solution but we reccomend wearing a helmet to sleep in, just in case. Warm cosy flats are dangerous places these days. Who’s sending us care packages?