There’s more to life than Viper

Glasgow’s three unis make it obligatory for the nightlife to be as diverse as possible.

Not everyone enjoys dancing to a remix of Katy Perry every night of the week.

But even if you do – there’s places for you to drown your bad music taste in, too.

Viper

Situated on Great Western road the club is handy for all west-end residents. You will most likely find yourself in Viper to celebrate the beginning of the week at their ‘Monday Night Heat’.

Every Tuesday you may swear to yourself that that was the last MNH you will go to for a while, that’s the last Tuesday you will spend all day clutching a bottle of water and the last time you’ll cry all the way home.

But somehow you find yourself there every week, along with the rest of the people who enjoy having their soul gradually eaten away by the absolute dungeon that is Viper.

Equally as popular on Wednesdays and Thursdays as it bring us our nearly end of the week party ‘Thirsty Thursdays’.

Not so sure about being thirsty on the Thursday but you definitely are on the Friday. Original Lucozade and pizza please.

Being a west-end club, it’s basically the University of Glasgow’s headquarters; Cali and Strathy students don’t dare venture out into unknown territories.

A night at Viper isn’t complete without a mandatory visit to BBQ Kings, conveniently (depends how you look at it) right next door.

It’s the unofficial after party of every Viper night, before you stumble into a taxi home with your cheesy chips, leaving behind your flatmates and your dignity.

Bamboo

In first year you’re likely to end up at Bamboo on Fridays as it’s free for students, but soon you will realise that even free entry isn’t enough for you to tolerate its cramped conditions.

It’s like being buried alive in a sweaty, dark coffin.

One thing that differentiates Bamboo from many other clubs is that you can almost always be guaranteed that there will be older men lurking in the dark corners just waiting to make their move.

Always a bit too handsy.

Bamboo claims to have three rooms that feature three types of music, but every single week it’s the same old playlists.

Some say it’s the poor man’s version of Kushion, but we’re all poor so basically it’s the exact same as Kushion.

Overall, the club is fine for a couple of cheap thrills, but it’s unlikely you’ll have your best night ever there.

Unless Gaz from Geordie Shore makes an appearance and manages not to give you an STI just by looking at you.

Kushion 

This club is for those of you who live the high life, or at least pretend to.

With its strict dress code you can forget getting in wearing trainers.

It caters for people who think they’re glamorous but actually dress like your Auntie Carol, and they strive to maintain this image with their strict no raga muffins allowed policy. Areseholes.

The club is in town so if you fancy venturing out of the West End and mixing it up with a variety of average people rather than just Glasgow Uni students then it could be an option for your night out.

If getting all dressed up and trying to look cool whilst swinging around your vodka cranberry is up your alley, go to Kushion.

The Arches

The Arches is one of the bigger venues in Glasgow’s city centre and hosts a variety of nights such as Pressure, Colours and Club Shangrila.

The venue caters for a different type of music scene to that of Viper, Kushion and Bamboo, it’s all about the indie cindys and house lovers down Arches. 

The Arches attract people from all over Scotland to come see some of the biggest names in the business, such as Fatboy Slim, Chase and Status, Jackmaster and loads more people that just kind of sound like you have developed tinitus.

This subterranean den offers an alternative, more music focussed vibe that that of the other clubs.

And by ‘music focussed’ we mean less Macklemore.

Sub Club

It’s the notorious underground club of Glasgow.

It was voted the 10th best club in the world (by Resident Advisor) as well as being the longest running underground dance club in the world.

Oh yeah.

What the club lacks in space it more than makes up for in music and atmosphere.

Sub Club is the palace of dance music where each night is unique.

The club has hosted nights with some of the biggest names on the scene, such as Kerri Chandler, Skream and Ben Ufo.

It’s the home to local ledgends Harri and Domenic who host Subculture every Saturday night, a highlight of any dance addict’s weekly schedule.

Its low ceilings and booming wall speakers are sure to have you hooked to the club’s dynamic spirit, or have you calling a taxi. Claustrophobia is real.

 

The Art School 

It’s a hipster utopia, docs and denim everywhere.

But don’t let this pretentious stereotype put you off, it has a laid back atmosphere that doesn’t care whether you were vintage or not.

It hosts regular nights like Freaky Freaky, Too Nice, Stay Fresh, Balkanarama, as well as hosting gigs from the likes of, recently, Skepta.

Its music is great and energy is groovy. Yes, really.

Everyone should experience the Art School at some point in their life in Glasgow; otherwise they would be missing out on one of the city’s most unique spaces to drink and be merry.

Definitely check it out if you want to spice up your nightlife after hitting up Viper and Bamboo far too many times.

Don’t be ashamed, we all do it.

O2 Abc

In the heart of the city, located on the infamous Sauchiehall Street – Glasgow’s answer to the Strip in Las Vegas but there’s better craic and less hookers.

Possibly.

Not to be mistaken as the o2 Academy, the venue is huge and has hosted gigs and concerts from some of the biggest names in pop music as well as facilitating some of the busiest nights in Glasgow.

Jellybaby on a Thursday and Propaganda on a Friday are your classic cheesy chart music.

Nights at the Abc are like marmite, you’ll either love or hate them, most people hate them and yet we keep going back for more.

Definitely head to the Abc to quench your desperate need to listen to Tay-Swift loudly in public.