I’m a fresher and I’ve only been on four nights out

I think I’m doing uni wrong

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I’m a first year student at Glasgow University, I’m sociable, can scrub up not too bad for a shindig and I like to drink.

But out of the 86 days that I have been living in the beautiful city of Glasgow I have been out drinking for a grand total of FOUR nights.

Excluding Freshers’ Week that is.

I can hear your jaw plummeting to the floor and the cogs slowly turning in your head as your thinking to yourself: “What a shame, she must be an unsociable, unattractive loser.”

Just to prove to you that I did actually once upon a time have a social life and enjoyed it, here is a picture of me before I was introduced to 8.30am starts at the library and the hell that is referencing in an essay.

My best overly edited Instagram picture before a night out, if I got over 30 likes I must not be a freak, right?

At which point you may have forgotten where I was going with this – 86 days as a fresher, I’ve been drunk for four.

It’s not that I don’t want to go out and get shit-faced because trust me, I do. And the four times I have been out in Glasgow have been well, pretty decent and ended up in more or less the same way.

Blazing, in a wheely bin, #lovinglife

But I’ve had to prioritise my time to studying and reading the 101 articles, books and online journals that English and Scottish literature are bombarding me with daily.

And I’m still only just managing to average a C in my three subjects.

2758 pages of fun

What bollocks. I did not give up 82 days of getting trollied to average C’s.

So, my question is, how do freshers manage to go out so often, attend lectures (if they can face crawling up the colossal mountain that is University Avenue) so hungover and still manage to pass first year?

Well, today I asked some of the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed freshers of Glasgow exactly that.

From what I’ve gathered, the average fresher goes out three or four times a week and misses around three lectures a week due to being too hungover, spewing on the journey there or still being so drunk that trying to put on a pair of socks is the only challenge they will be facing that day.

Again, clearly #lovinglife

And these messy nights are quickly leading to a life of regret. English Lit student Katie said: “Yes, I do regret going out as much as I have in semester one but I if I could do it all over again I would still go out as much as I did.”

When I asked Adam, a fresher studying Law if he’s going to give his liver a break next semester he said, “No, I’m going to have more work to do which means I’ll have to do more drinking.”

While Mary studying French said: “I regret spewing so much and having to try and clean it up by myself.”

Miraculously, all the freshers I spoke to were all managing to hand in their assignments on time and still pass their subjects with a C/D grade.

When asked how they were feeling about the upcoming exams their faces became not so bright-eyed and more like they were in fact about to spew, everywhere.

What’s a lecture?

One fresher’s eyes started to glaze over as he became particularity overwhelmed by sheer fear: “I’ve got no kind of sleep pattern anymore and I’m having alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I’m putting on weight and I’m going to have to face the fact that I won’t fit into my DF tux. I’m shit scared. I actually might shit myself.”

I guess it’s clear to say, that the only reason I’m not getting better grades in first year is because I’m studying too much. The answer is to go out next semester four times a week, miss half my lectures and try my very best not to shit myself during May exams.