Most annoying breeds of flatmate

You may find comfort in knowing that you’re not the only one victim to one of these flat mate sinners.

Maybe you find yourself fitting one of these descriptions. If so, stop. You’re annoying everyone.

The Experimentalist

The flatmate that seems to have a keen interest in mould growth.

I don’t know if you’re waiting for that 2-week-old tuna pasta to grow a personality, but get that experiment out of your room/the kitchen/the fridge because it’s wafting.

The Shagger

They find the idea of a ‘family night out’, whereby having a great time with your pals is priority and pulling takes a backseat, impossible.

If you lose them on a night out, chances are they’ve already made their new friend for the night and have headed.

You should grab them by the hand (wearing gloves) and take them down to Sandyford at regular intervals. Riddled.

The Significant Other

This is the flatmate you never asked for, but they turned up one day and don’t seem to have left.

They might leave the toilet seat up, and for a moment you question the secrets of your all girl flat, or inject unwanted girliness into your lads pad.

You will find them attached by the face to your actual flatmate, or partaking in a vomit worthy giggle fest that’s so loud you can hardly hear your Tay swift album anymore.

Alas you can’t say anything because they’re pumping your pal, and you wouldn’t want to look like a jealous single now would you.

The Winner

This flatmate is nailing it in all areas of life.

They have a job, a brimming social calendar, they’re captain of this and convener of that, everyone fancies them and they’re looking at a first come graduation.

Oh and they probably volunteer somewhere looking after old people or animals, because they’re a sickeningly perfect human being.

Don’t think living with them will motivate you to do better, it won’t.

You’ll most likely feel monumentally inferior and end up watching ‘Orange is the New Black’ with a box of doughnuts.

The Waster

The individual that makes you feel great about yourself.

They never go to uni and rarely see daylight, and when they do its usually them returning from a long night, and in a questionable state.

This flatmate will make you feel a whole heap better about that tutorial you missed.

The Spoilt One

Whilst you’re eating your 12p noodles and filling out your HEI fund application, this flat mate will have just returned from town asking you if you like their new shoes.

The doorbell goes, who could it be? Oh of course their Waitrose delivery that mummy got sent up.

Aww look she even put in a cheeky bottle of bubbly as a surprise. How nice of her.

The One With All the Opinions 

Any conversation with them isn’t likely to be light hearted.

They’re favourite topics of chat are feminism, sexism, the current state of the economy, or their disapproval of reality TV, and that Keeping Up With The Kardashians isn’t ‘real TV’.

Please take your mean words elsewhere and lighten up, you’re pissing on my parade.

The “Borrower”

“Hey you know that blue dress, can I borrow it for tonight? All your clothes are so much nicer than mine.”

They have a wardrobe full of clothes, some of which will be yours and you’re never getting it back.

Plus you don’t want that dress back anyway because they went to viper and got loads of pictures in it and wore it better.

The Jenga Dish Champion

They’ll always be conveniently too busy to do their dishes but perfectly capable of fitting in time for naps and boozing.

You’ll inevitably have to deal with the mess of it when you reach for the wrong fork and it all comes tumbling down.

Your favorite mug will probably break as a result as well because life’s unfair.

The Mummy

Every flat needs one.

They don’t even have to be female.

They cook for you, are wise beyond their years, and might even cradle you until all the bad feelings go away. This flatmate is great.

The Claustrophobia Inducer

They have no sense of personal space and you’re reaching breaking point.

*knock knock*

Wakes up from nap where that hot guy in your seminar is in love with you

“Are you awake?”

Stay silent. They’ll leave and you’ll drift back into the romantic montage.

*Opens door a jar and pokes head round like a meerkat*

Stay.Very.Still

*Turns on light*

“Oh good you’re awake!”

Proceeds to join you in bed and speak 100 words a minute. Ideal.

The MIA

You’re pretty sure there was another person that moved in at the start of the year, but you haven’t seen them since.

There was that one time where the rest of you were in the kitchen and you heard a door close… maybe it was just the wind.

Hey, as long as they keep paying rent.