Freshers groups prove Glasgow is lowering its standards

Ah, Freshers, excited does not begin to cover the feelings of these young individuals.

Their overwhelmed enthusiasm encourages some unfortunate opinions, and often causes radical idiocy where many seem unable to grasp basic concepts, facts and social trends.

Try not to judge, we do enough of that for everyone.

The Grammar Neglecter

What an interesting name. Nice to meet you, Zoology, your parents certainly had a funny sense of humour.

But, to address your poorly worded post, why bother going to the effort of writing the same status as 25 different people before you, when you simply could have posted your subject on one of them?

But I won’t go into too much detail on the pointlessness of the post, thanks for making us all laugh, the prospect of having a flatmate named zoology, really boosted the excitement for Freshers week.

The New-Alcoholic

And on the note of Iceland’s dodgy chicken, a brave fresher intends to shop in the ‘cheap’ supermarkets – presumably in aid of the tonnes of alcohol he aims to be able to afford.

They will probably get so wasted that they forget to be colloquial and casual, reverting back to the elocution lesson accent they learned at prep school.

A tip for this young fresher; if you time it right, all supermarkets are ‘cheap’. Just go along at night when everything is reduced to clear, the sandwiches are just about to grow mould and bread is 11p.

The Brown Noser

Ah, the unsure and overwhelmed Fresher – classic example of someone who is going to be completely shocked when they actually start attending Uni.

It really doesn’t matter what amount of time you have between lectures. Do you want time for a three course meal? Or enough time to gather your belongings from Kelvin Hall and dash to you next lecture in the Adam Smith Building, dodging those annoying people with huge bags and cyclists who cycle on the road but think it’s okay to go through a red traffic light. Baffling.

But, the main point here is that at University no one really cares if you turn up to a lecture late and sweaty or you’re waiting outside the door an hour before it starts just to get a good seat.

Decide for yourself, you’re at Uni now.

The Lazy Party-Goer

You clearly have made no attempt to try and decipher the location of these rumours. Try looking at the Union websites and perhaps you’ll find what you’re looking for.

It’s a hard life when everyone around you knows what’s going on but you’re just too lazy to look for yourself. Thank goodness there are helpful people in the world otherwise you probably never would have even made it to Uni.

The upside here is that this Fresher is clearly ready to party and have some fun, the exact kind of people every Freshers party thrives on.

Would hate to think how helpless they would be on a hangover, though, frightening.

The Keen Bean

First of all, you are not performing to thousands as part of a band, therefore, you can’t refer to your fellow Freshers as ‘Glasgow’. And in the words of Chandler Bing – could you be anymore keen?

Surprisingly, the post got 22 likes, clearly others are just as excited at the prospect of lectures, alcohol and inevitable bad decisions.

If going to University is as adventurous as this young fresher gets, they’re going to have a field day eating Iceland’s ‘cook from frozen’ chicken.

And they couldn’t get enough of the Freshers page, turning to the page when struck by illness…

…despite the fact the only people on the page are 18 year old students without a degree in medicine. Not the best conversation starter ever, but top marks for imagination.

As for the vibe, this post completely fits in with the other random and frankly, absurd questions asked by Freshers.

This guy could probably start a conversation with a lamp post and makes numerous failed attempts at being ironic, he will do great things.

The Sheep

Are you serious? You  can think of nothing in which you can place objects so that you can move them all at once? Nothing at all…

Oh go on then, I’ll give you a clue. It’s square and you can carry it.

Thank god for the tab, people would be moving into halls with 62 backpacks filled with essentials from loo roll to hair dryers.

We’re here all week.

The Try Hard

If it makes you feel any better, any friends you make on a freshers page aren’t friends for life. They’re just people that make you feel like you aren’t going to end up with no friends at Uni. Even if you do.

You aren’t going to make any real friends until you’ve thrown up in public and spent at least an hour in the Viper toilets looking like Paul Gascoigne on a bad day.

What is awkward here is not that no one replied, but that you actually told people about it. You’re not supposed to rub salt into your own wounds pal. Maybe you should try again but this time, just ask people what subject they’re studying – that’s always a winner.