Nine things that prove you are living in an Exe-tah uni house

‘Thank goodness Mummy, we’ve got an AGA’

You may think we have already rinsed the rah in Exe-rah quite enough, but you were wrong. We haven’t even skimmed the gold-encrusted surfaces found in the poshest of Exeter’s student houses. Imagine Chelsea townhouse meets Cornish five star seaside getaway and you might just be able to picture the sort of luxury some lucky exe dwellers reside in – just look at this TikTok for proof.

Forget Made in Chelsea, here’s your rundown of all the things that prove you’re actually living in a house worthy of a place on your very own reality TV series. Made in Exeter 2022 anyone?

1.An AGA

On a recent house tour in the local area (you guess the road my friends), I was introduced to the “spare” AGA sitting in this modest student kitchen. It may not be completely functional, but its presence alone imbues the house with an air that scares off mere peasants such as myself. (And if you’re still confused about what an AGA really is – same.)

^real life evidence of the student AGA

2. A guest bedroom

You didn’t bother to desperately post on Overheard searching for a housemate to fill your extra room on Union Road. Instead, when Petronella decided to take a “sabbatical” because she’s not sure what else she can really learn from her art history degree, you realised you really couldn’t fit four people in your three storey house anyway. You decided to utilise the extra space and use the bedroom as a walk-in wardrobe and a place for banishing your one night stand to when you realise the three Venoms have done you dirty.

3. The luxury of a bath

As opposed to the normal mouldy shower curtain and trickle of water situation in most uni houses, when you’ve had a tough day of sipping your Pret in the library, you can light a candle, pour a glass of Barefoot and have a long relaxing soak. Let’s just hope your housemates don’t complain about the water bill after your fourth bath of the week

4. More than one coffee machine

You simply cannot live without your morning coffee, and you refuse to use instant, so a coffee machine was the only option. Except all your housemates had exactly the same idea; now you awake every morning to the sound of a variety of different coffee machines whirring, buzzing and frothing your daily decaf oat cap with one of a selection of boujee syrups you convinced your housemates were a necessary investment.

5. Stick related sports equipment lining your hallway.

We’re talking golf clubs, lacrosse sticks and possibly a rogue hockey one too. After bonding in Holland over your love of these stick wielding sports, which you all competed in competitively at your respective boarding schools, your second year uni pad now houses enough sporting paraphernalia to start your very own house sports team. Intramural Vic St hockey anyone?

6. Enough glassware to entertain the whole royal family

Your mummy bought you a set of champagne glasses as a leaving for uni present, because she thought they’d be ‘ideal for entertaining’, when in reality the only time they’ve ever been used was when you’d run out of clean glasses for your morning kombucha. However, they always make a re-appearance anytime the parentals visit so they know their darling offspring appreciates the fortune they spent on them at John Lewis.

7. An entire set of kitchenware from Le Creuset

In the least ironic way possible, you went uni shopping in Le Creuset; hours were spent agonising over whether you should get the matching blue mugs and bowls, or stick with the classic red, because that casserole dish WILL become an heirloom one day. You guard this crockery with your life and you’ve even written your initials on the bottom of everything to make sure no-one tries to swipe one at pres. Although I’m sorry to say it doesn’t count if you bought it all reduced from TK Maxx.

8. A whole coat rack of North Face puffers

The uniform of an Exe-tah uni house – the North Face puffer. Even if you claim “you had one before you came to Exeter”, this only proves further that you were born to become one of the rah elite. Your hallway coat rack is lined with the classic puffers in a variety of colours – in a couple of months time, one of your housemates will claim their North Face is “too basic” and attempt to sell it on Depop for a price no self-respecting person would pay.

9. DJ decks

The cherry on the Exe-rah cake – your house has DJ decks. After one evening of having control of the speaker at a pres, one of your housemates decides it is their lifelong dream to become a DJ. You then invite all your most rah friends round for an evening of sick beats, sick vibes, and probably, sick in some other questionable places. Daddy’s money has never been so well invested.

^how you think you look on your decks

^how you actually look

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