‘The postman’s quite sexy’: 12 things you’ll overhear isolating in an all-girls house

There’s a lot of talk about Tinder…

So the inevitable has finally happened. You’re all feeling a bit unwell and like the outstanding citizens that you are you’ve gone to get a Covid test.

24 hours and some positive tests later, the reality of spending 14 days inside the house with all six housemates is sinking in. Although it’s possible that you might not be friends by the end, at least some memorable quotes will have come out of it.

Here are all the things you’ll inevitably hear in an all girls house during isolation:

‘The postman is actually quite sexy’

Is he 50 years old, married with two kids? Yes. Is he the only male you’ve seen in two weeks thus making him an object of attraction? Also yes.

‘OMG Rapid Response Hub are so obsessed with me’

You’ll have more contact with them in those 14 days than you will with your own mother. At least they’re concerned about your health?

‘I’m so mad at [insert name here] for giving us corona’

You’ve all decided to blame one individual you saw last week who must have infected you. Realistically you probably caught it from a random door handle, but it feels better to have an object of hatred.

‘Can we please become TikTok famous’

Now confined to the same four walls, you decide that it is time to embark on your journey to TikTok fame; however after making approximately four TikToks, and none of them going viral, the novelty wears off.

‘Guys everyone come to my window there’s a fit boy walking past!’

Suddenly the stairwells fill with the thumping of six pairs of feet. Everyone crowds at the designated window whilst a boy sporting floppy curtains and stash strides by. You all stare at him, hoping he will look up and fulfil your modern day Rapunzel fantasies.

Alas he remains oblivious, and you all dejectedly drift back to your online lectures… until another one comes along.

‘All I want is a Pret iced oat milk latte’

By far the most popular phrase in the house. Nothing hurts more than knowing that your monthly Pret subscription is going to waste.

‘I’ve run out of people on Tinder’

As a result of your only human interaction being limited to female housemates, your days are now filled with swiping on Tinder; if the only way you can have contact with a male is through a screen, so be it.

‘Whose turn is it to unclog the drain?’

Living with six girls plus a very inadequate draining system results in a LOT of hair.

‘Have you all seen the new Draco Malfoy TikToks?’

Again starved of the presence of the male species you will all start simping over a fictional teenage boy…desperate times.

‘Who drank all of my oat milk?!’

The daily struggle of living with six Exetah girls.

‘When we’re out of isolation I’m going to open Snapmaps outside his friend’s house and leave it there for seven hours to keep him on his toes’

Isolation causes us all to think differently.

‘I kind of fancy the fish with the scar in Finding Nemo’

That might just be my house, though.

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