The Seven Totems of Exeter University

Joe Goldberg who?

Season Two of Netflix’s ‘You’ dropped earlier this year, and you probably – and with zero guilt – watched its entirety within 3 days or less.

It sparked extreme debate surrounding several controversial topics, including whether its okay that Joe Goldberg kills people because he’s fit (hint: its not), and episode six introduced us to the ‘Seven totems’ of Los Angeles; if you see or experience all seven you officially become an ‘Angeleno’ and can never leave.

Whilst we’re not in LA, we can still look out for our own Exetah version of the totems to find out if we too are never going to leave. Fingers crossed right?

1. Falling down the TP stairs

We begin with a familiar experience to many of us and an incident which can and will occur at least once in your university experience. The simultaneous confusion, embarrassment, momentary pain AND morning-after bruise (or bruises) are just one of the reasons why this undoubtedly must be – although a pretty common occurrence – one of Exeter’s totems.

Image may contain: Person, Human, Clothing, Apparel, Furniture

2. Being attacked by seagulls outside the Forum

The seagulls of Exeter Streatham Campus have become a staple in our daily lives, and whether its naivety, bravery or downright stupidity that prompts someone to eat outside, the only thing that baffles me more is the fact that David Attenborough hasn’t done a documentary on these birds yet.

Original Source: istock, edited beautifully by me

Whilst the uni may have implemented certain strategies to reduce the chances of an attack, there will always be an underlying anxiety and awareness that somewhere a seagull is eyeing up your delicious Pret sandwich, and is only waiting for the perfect opportunity to swoop.

3. Witnessing someone wearing stash, flares, Fila stompers and a signet ring use their Mac as protection from the rain

The heading really says it all. And yes this is a stereotype, and yes it may be an exaggeration, but that’s what makes it a totem.

Image may contain: Human, Person, Sneaker, Sleeve, Long Sleeve, Footwear, Shoe, Apparel, Clothing

4. Your first Tiki Fire experience

Everyone remembers their first. Ordering a drink you don’t really understand and which you’ve only heard rumours about (70% is just a number right?), for it to be probably the most expensive shot you’ve ever bought, and to spend 0.5 seconds in your mouth, and then a further 5 seconds in your stomach before spewing in a TP toilet. Utter bliss.

Image may contain: Skin, Finger, Arm, Human, Person

5. Morning trip to the Impy

Drinking pre-12 o’clock – its a summer MUST. And what better way to soak up that sunny mid-year goodness than spending all day in your favourite local beer garden. Serving breakfast, lunch and tea, there’s really no need to be anywhere else but pre-ing for 10 hours straight at the Impy, before staggering your way into town for a MESSY night out. Our livers are young, they’ll probably be fine…

Image may contain: Glass, Beverage, Drink, Accessories, Accessory, Sunglasses, Human, Person

6. Partaking in a heated cheesy chip debate

Here at Exeter, we thrive on intense and ruthless arguments, particularly those that are unnecessary and meaningless (to Lemmy or not to Lemmy?). And if there’s one thing to be passionate about, it’s not your degree, your hobbies or how fast your bolt is, but where the best place is to purchase your post-night out cheesy chips *cough Sidwell’s cough*.

Image may contain: Food, Human, Person

If you’ve never engaged in a serious debate over cheesy chips, have you even lived?

7. Social Costume Walk of Shame

Saving the best til last. If you’re part of any society, you’ve probably had to dress up as something ridiculous at some point in your uni life – its nothing special. This, however, is specific to those sports socials that take place on a Wednesday evening (or late afternoon now), and whilst everyone tries to look as nice as possible whilst *kind of* conforming to the dress-code, there’s nothing quite like walking past a group of strangers dressed as a Christmas present.

Image may contain: People, Couch, Girl, Costume, Indoors, Smile, Woman, Chair, Furniture, Lighting, Face, Female, Human, Person, Dress, Clothing, Apparel

Whats worse however, is wearing that SAME costume, which is now stained with alcohol, make up and other, less obvious substances, on your way home Thursday morning, walking past probably every person you’ve ever met at Uni and who are probably majorly judging your life choices.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Every student you will inevitably meet at Exetah

Can someone explain why all Exeter students do these 19 things