A love letter to Timepiece

The club we all love to love


Dearest Timepiece,

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Or shall I buy you cheesy chips?

Home to seriously questionable music choices, the third best smoking area in the UK (so proud of you xo) and 10/10 bartenders, you’re the club we all just love to love. Our never failing hub of debauchery, ready to welcome all manner of VK drenched sin.

You’ve already spoiled us with three floors, all suited for varying stages of intoxication and wavering morality. But let’s not forget about Old Timers, the best place to stagger into either before or after a blurry whirl on the dance floor for a few dozen double vodkas and a heated game of flip cup.

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While I thought you could do no wrong, I must admit, you almost lost me after my first visit to Top Top. After a wobbly trek up those stairs, I was confronted with a hazy, sticky dungeon of semi-naked boys, whose "dance" moves looked as though they belonged in a David Attenborough documentary about the mating rituals of nature’s most lethal primates. For fear of being pounced on and eaten alive, I turned swiftly around. Could it have been the threat of Jaeger fuelled male hormones? Either way, I was out. Thank u, next.

Just as my faith in humanity was beginning to implode, I made another sighting: the queue of females waiting for the loo. With the lyrics of Mr. Brightside pulsating through the walls, I knew I’d found my tribe. There’s truly nothing like the loving glow of a compliment from a girl who’s drank enough tequila to take down a small whale.

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The love is real

There’s no better way to round off the night, than to boozily devour a serving of chips. Cheesy, curly, you name it. Can anything really compare with the bliss that is stumbling home, after a semi-tragic semi-hilarious night, with chips in your tummy and ketchup dripping from your chin? For that joy, dearest Timepiece, I thank you.

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Happy as can be

So, my darling Timepiece, what have we done to deserve you? You’re a gem. Never change.

Lots of love,
Your most adoring fan x

P.S. I promise never to abandon you for Fever.