I went to Fever sober and I am scarred for life

Safe to say, I won’t do it again

I like to pretend that I braved Fever sober as part of a social experiment, even though I don't do psychology. If I'm being honest, my loan had run out and I didn't want to get fomo. "Sack buying drinks", I thought. It will still be fun.

1. Firstly, an experience we all dread: The entrance to Fever

If you’re one of the lucky ones on the guest list because “you know a rep”, or even better, if you are one yourself (not that we’d know from your Facebook statuses) and manage to glide on past the queue, I’d like you to know that the rest of us mere mortals are standing at the back, freezing cold and, God forbid, sobering up.

Even after the trauma of queuing, it's no easy task to make it past the cloak room to the dance floor. But finally, when that moment comes, like a moth drawn to a flame, you reach those double doors, full of excitement and the vodka that you saw off in a sweaty kitchen at pres.

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2. The rep booth is not only home to the most ‘premium’ club vodka, but also stash

This is arguably the greatest prize going for an Exeter student. It must be worn with pride at all times and held on to tightly. That night, genuine fights broke out over it. Forget being upset over an ex, I’ve had more friends crying over lost caps and t-shirts. The general rule is, do not get in the way of a pissed student and their stash.

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Despite proving such perfect cap models, neither of these girls made it home with theirs

3. Drunk people go too far with the free accessories

Half the club wears strange hats or, like the girl pictured below, wears half of all the hats. I think we can all agree that this look will guarantee at least one pull for the night.

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One pull per hat?

4. Then there are the inflatables

These become a kind of collector’s item – guaranteed to be proudly displayed in a halls kitchen if they survive the journey home. Again, these must be protected from drunken poachers. I saw that banana get passed around most of the club before it made it to this lot. Probably would be wise to consider how many people have licked it before you do next time. Expect to see these deflated and littered up Penny road.

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Look how proud she is of her new friends

5. Of course we can’t forget the colourful room

Those flashing tiles and cheesy tunes seem to inspire questionable vocals and even more questionable dance moves. What you probably never notice when you’re smashed is that this place doubles up as a sauna. Dancing is sweaty work (not as bad as walking up Forum Hill mind you) and the condensation on those mirrors proves it… did someone say sweaty upper lip alert!?

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6. Near the bars and booths are are always huddles of people poised with their snapchat camera to film a VK bolt off

Some might say tragic, some impressive… Fever hats off to those who can in "sub 10" seconds! Attempting to get from the bar to the dance floor, however, is a no go. Most of the drink that you just queued 25 minutes for ends up down your front, something that unsurprisingly goes unnoticed when smashed.

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Did someone order a legend?

7. As the night goes on to that all too familiar beat of ‘Cola’, more people take to the dance floor.

And I mean literally…

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8. It wouldn’t be Fever without those bouncers and their walkie talkies

Throughout the night you can guarantee that at least one of your friends will take it too far and be kicked out. The most punishable offence that I witnessed; one silly fresh projectile vomiting in the upstairs smoking area… watch where you step.

Let’s be honest, it is hard enough to make it up those stairs to the toilets sober, let alone sloshed. It is probably also worth knowing that the bouncers don’t want to dance with you, as shown by this girl here, who thought she’d got lucky for the night

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9. Speaking of the smoking area, this becomes a place for DMCs, drunken therapy and couples counselling.

Tissue, anyone?

10. Another bonus, which you might be too pissed to notice, is that everyone’s favourite Bodrum’s man is partial to a boogie

Selfies with him like these might bag you free chips at the end of the night, or maybe even a new chirpse? Just kidding, nothing is free in there. I saw people genuinely too drunk to remember their own name.

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11. Remember this is Exeter

Just past midnight, when those Jaegers hit, couples start straddling in every corner, often having only just met at the bar. We’ve all been there. But save it for the bedroom not the booths guys.

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12. The 2am scenes as people stagger home are carnage

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I cry every time

It’s clear to me that Fever only ends one way… with everyone in the bin. And despite being slightly scarred, I can't deny that I enjoyed spectating. As always, I'll go again next week, but definitely with a double vodka lime soda in hand.