How much does it cost to be an Exetah basic bitch?

There is no female stereotype more prevalent at Exeter than the basic bitch. They’re slightly edgier than their US counterparts, almost certainly went to a private school, and are the queens of Forum Hill. You may have seen them being called pigeons on YikYak, but they’re in fact a growing force that are creating new social norms, heralding the end of real life interaction in favour of living life through VSCO Cam. But what does it take to be one? We’ve sussed the essentials to find out how you too can become a basic bitch, and it’ll cost you more than your student loan

Canada Goose Parka –  £800

Originally meant for those who actually spend time in Antarctic conditions, but have found a better home nestling blonde heads for the majority of the year. These won’t come off during their Politics/Philosophy lectures either.

Nike Air Maxes –  £70

Ideally these are worn with Exeter sport stash at all times, especially around forum. If you don’t play netball or lacrosse, skin-tight gym clothes will do.

#BleedGreen

iPhone 6 – £500

The basic bitch’s ultimate necessity and the focus of 99% of her attention. It allows her to show everyone just how many baes she has, exerting her creative side through various love heart emojis. Don’t do anything remotely fun unless you put it on Snapchat, or else it may not have happened

And if you don’t have at least 100 likes on your profile picture then you are far from achieving basic

A white fiat 500 – £15,000

In order to get you back to the simple bliss of Surrey. But more importantly, because it gets masses of likes on Insta. Added basic-ness for a personalised number plate

MacBook Pro – £999

Because mediocre politics essays can’t write themselves. It’s not like this won’t be put to excellent use for pres or watching endless repeats of Gossip Girl for hungover days in bed – but only if you can get someone to deliver you a spiced latte.

Keeping tabs on the likes

Costa – £2.50

It may not be Starbucks, but Forum’s competitor will suffice. A skinny decaf soya gingerbread latte in case you stand out. But with rumours of Pret coming soon, you’ll be stuck with a choice to make. Good job Pret sell chocolate covered rice cakes.

Crop Top – £9 from Topshop

All that raving in TP requires minimal attire. Though pair it with a Calvin Klein push up bralette if you’re looking to get laid.

Fake Tan and Blonde Hair Dye – £15 and £7.50 at Boots

Who cares that we live in a country that rains more than we see the sun, orange is the new pale. Just make sure you have a back catalogue of white bed sheets as you’ll be needing replacements.

VK – £2.50

The ultimate poison. Stick to blue, and hope the photographer snaps you clutching it at Moz.

Ski trip – £399

Perhaps surprising as they rarely opt for the white stuff, but for one week each year it’s their chance to swap the buzz of the Home Counties for the mountains of France. Don’t forget to add all the photos to FB afterwards.

Deliveroo once a week minimum – £25

Why go to the meals provided when Wagamama is on Deliveroo? Thanks Daddy. Those cyclists are quite handsome though, shame about the lycra.

Missing out on a first – Priceless

Because how are you meant to do any reading when you constantly have to reply to the gals on Whatsapp.

Total Cost: £17,804.50