How to pretend you’ve had the best summer of your life

In reality you’re really lonely


If the closest you’ve got to going on holiday this summer is visiting the ‘World Foods’ aisle at the supermarket, you’ll know that feeling of jealous rage as you flick through your friends snaps of Full Moon parties and bikini selfies.

Instead of relaxing on the beach or finding yourself in the Himalayas have you been lured into some kind of summer placement or second rate work experience in the hope of improving your chances at life after unay?

Or perhaps your recent stint to Magaluf didn’t quite produce the Facebook photo album you were hoping for?

Either way if your summer so far hasn’t quite lived up to expectations, no one needs to know.

#Australia2015

Follow these tips to make sure that other people know that you’re having the time of your life, when really you haven’t left your sofa in weeks.

The Facebook status 

The art of lying will be your best friend after realising that you’ve either worked too hard or done sweet FA all summer.

Make sure you check in on Facebook so you can let everyone know that you’re about to find yourself in Cambodia or singlehandedly build a school in Uganda.

Feel free to add some holiday emojis to make them really jealous.

#LovingLife #summer2015

 The Instagram posts

#travelling #holiday #Greece #instacouple

The all important Instagram pics are a great way to showcase your fake selfies.

Utilising every aspect of social media is crucial, you need to give the impression that you really are having the summer of your life.

Be careful though, you don’t want to give away the game, so if your photoshop skills are crap post a picture from 2010,

The stories

The most important part of all – lie, lie and lie again.

Make sure to conjure up some hilarious stories that you can tell again and again at pre-drinks come September.

Don’t be afraid to get creative here, the more outlandish the tale, the better.

No one wants to hear how fast you can bolt a VK anymore, that was so 2k13.

Instead be prepared to retell the time when you were caught smuggling drugs into Colombia or drink driving in Dubai. They’ll love it.

All for the bants

After all, just because you haven’t posed with a sedated tiger and uploaded it doesnt mean it didn’t happen, right?

The clothes

No trip of self-actualisation would be complete without some wavy garms to show for it.

Head down to your local charity shop and splash out on some questionable items of clothing to back up your travelling claims.

Scarfs, sandals, shirts, bracelets – the possibilities are endless. Plus the ‘made in China’ label will make it seem extra authentic.

You’ll feel chuffed when someone says “OMG I love that handmade bag where did you get it from?” knowing that your existential souvenir cost a mere £2.50 from Oxfam.

Oh this old thing?

Plus you’ll be thankful when you can re-wear your bindi to the next festival.

So if a day trip to Brighton or a weekend away to Butlins just didn’t float your boat, as long as you pretend that you’ve had a whale of a time, that’s all that matters.

Remember – just because you didn’t go, doesn’t mean they need to know.