Council bores dub last Freshers’ Week the ‘worst yet’

Good work fresh


Fun sponge council chiefs bemoaned how plans to keep Freshers’ Week “peaceful” had “failed”.

Those walks to TP and the Arena burger van seemed to seriously piss some locals off, as apparently noise and anti-social behaviour during was rife.

It’s like no-one was reading those lovely noise-signs they so helpfully painted on the pavement for us.

24 of our boldest and booziest sadly lost the battle with the Council’s Fun Police, being “disciplined” (and not in the fun way) for their looseness, with 14 poor souls even having to attend Alcohol Awareness Workshops at uni.

The council is already coming up with a “plan of action” to take on the next onslaught of fresh come September, with the council planning to unite with the uni, local bars and the Welcome Team to crack down on the chaos associated with Freshers.

Who would have guessed these wouldn’t work?

However, despite the council and local news sites getting in a flap about last year’s tomfoolery, those who actually experienced the delights of Freshers’ don’t seem as convinced that it was worthy of its “worst” title yet.

International Relations fourth year Cloe Barnes said: “I couldn’t tell it was so bad to be honest, though I suppose there did seem to be a lot more writing on the pavement and letters from the council and all that nonsense.”

Don’t hate us cos you ain’t us

English third year Oli Brown observed of his third Freshers’: “I don’t think it was the first years who were worst last year, I think it was actually the areas away from halls which were way looser.

“If anyone was to blame it was the second and thirds years.”

Fresher Ross Hindle said: “The council are just making a fuss about nothing. I saw someone chunder on one of the spraypainted ‘keep quiet’ signs on the pavement and suffer no repercussions so locals obviously don’t mind too  much.

“Also, the flagship local night, Saturday Rococos, is the largest collection of antisocial behaviour in the entire county.”