Stop bragging about the upvotes you got on Yik Yak

Social media gave us Yik Yak and you had to go and ruin it, didn’t you.

The whole point of Yik Yak is that sweet secretive satisfaction, to affirm what you already knew about your perpetually witty personality. But we’re not in Year 8 anymore, and the time when you would brag about how many likes you got on a Facebook status should be long, long gone.

It’s a no from me. 

However, YikYak seems to have created a revival in this self-indulgent, boring-as-fuck nonsense. Take a look at yourself: if you send multiple Yaks a day and spend hours scrolling through the ‘hot’ Yaks, then you’re already halfway to inducing a full frontal lobotomy of your own accord.

This fresher’s haven is saturated with Asian jokes, persistent heckling of Plymouth Uni’s peasantry and regurgitated jibes directed at the holy grail of journalism (that’s us by the way).

It’s a virtual congregation for the first years who have understandably forgotten why they’re actually at uni and discovered a new occupation to whittle away the hours between midday and predrinks by churning out mediocre chat on Yik Yak.

Please take a long hard look at your life.

But to the people who think broadcasting their Yachievments is an acceptable practise, how wrong you are. You’re also probably one of those people who thinks there’s nothing wrong with Snapchatting yourself in a club, aren’t you? You’re on a night out, would you like a fucking medal?

Euthanize yourself like you would that sinking Yak with four down votes, on the cusp of demise.

The brutal reality of Yik Yak is it breaks to you the harsh truth you’re not half as funny as you think you are. If it wasn’t for your friend’s pity-laughing at your jokes in real life, nobody would. And that’s why the last three Yaks you sent were voted off and will still be there every time you open the app, as an eternal reminder that society has shunned you.

Fail.

The following hour you spent compulsively Yakking in a pathetic attempt to soothe your ego, before deleting the app completely in a fit of bitter resentment, speaks volumes about your desperation for approval. Let’s be real, you probably didn’t even come up with that Yak that got 100 upvotes yourself. But you continue to force your “banter” hoping someone, somewhere, takes pity on you and gives you an upvote in sympathy of your diabolical humour.

And on the subject of recycling Yaks, this is both a morally repugnant act and a tragic display of character. If you aren’t voted off immediately, I hope the planet starves you of oxygen.

There is more to life than this, isn’t there?