Just how bad for you are VKs?

The staple in-club beverage for our own humble drinking culture, the VK is something should arguably be treasured on nights out. Even though outsiders may hastily point out how we share a drink of choice with the majority of One Direction’s fanbase, whether you prefer to sip or strawpedo, we proudly smash as many of these alcopops as we can.

But behind the supposedly sugary taste none of us can really remember, the bright colours which make them look so appealing, and the diverse selection of flavours which would make even the CEO of Walkers flinch, there lies a terrible and dark secret.

VKs are not fucking good for you.

The glorious aftereffects of a good tropical VK

They range from the mildly indulgent flavours of Iron Brew and the ever-indeterminate “Blue” — 162 and 168 calories each, respectively — to the wholly decadent varieties of Pineapple and Orange — which clock in at 201 and a massive 220 each.

In comparison, a single vodka and coke — which contains the same amount of alcohol as a VK — is only 120 calories. You could slam almost twice as many of these in Top Top as you could their pitiful VK substitutes for the same amount of calories.

Doesn’t matter how pretty the colour is, they’re still bad for you

Even the pints win out before long. Smashing your average pint of lager will yield anywhere between 150 and 250 calories, but when each adds twice as many units to your endgame of getting binned and doing the worm on the Arena d-floor as a VK does, the winner is evident. Cider’s a little more unhealthy, but still not as much as the equivalent measure of our worshipped alcopop of choice would.

But the harrowing facts don’t stop there.

Instead of eating three hearty meals a day to reach the recommended calorie intake like normal people would, you could instead replace them with 9 for the average female, or 11 for the average male, Orange VKs.

And, you’d have to run for 20 minutes to burn off the calories from one Orange one.

An example of a fine young gentleman clearly getting his 11 a day

Don’t worry, however — this just means you can mix and match. Skip out on breakfast, and that’s three more you can put away this evening without feeling guilty when you’re bragging about your exceptional gains in the glamorous heights of the Moz smoking area.

But just keep in mind that even the less hedonistic of these signature alcopops each contain roughly the same amount of calories as a slice of Domino’s classic margherita pizza (170). If you’re on a new health kick, then it might be best to leave your old friend the VK behind, and start mixing your vodka with diet coke at the bar.

Sure, you’ll still be able to manage chucking back VKs and still eating high-calorie food during the day without any visible change in your lifestyle. But don’t say we didn’t warn you when one day you wake up and realise you’ve got to make a choice between stopping the work on your strawpedo technique, or your rig.