How many of these people have you met in your seminar?
You’re probably one of them
You will no doubt be familiar with several of these ‘types’ from past and present seminar experience. The question is: where do you fall on the list?
You don’t even know what her voice sounds like. You assume she suffers from some form of soul-destroying inferiority complex that prevents her from physically opening her mouth.Don’t be the person paying 9k a year to sit silently in the corner.
On the other end of the spectrum we have Dominant Derek. Every seminar group has one. Or a few. These are the people that make it all bearable; you may resent the sound of their voice but you know that if they weren’t filling the deathly silence you’d be forced to.
They will literally answer any question you throw at them. Dominant Derek’s own up to the fact that some people are going to talk more than others and embrace that it will be them. The seminar tutor is always reluctant in resorting to let them speak but knows deep down its inevitable.
With last night’s spittle dried on the corner of her mouth and the enduring aroma of Blue VK induced chunder, there’s only one place this person should be and it’s not in their 9am seminar. Helen is a repeat offender and often very much still pissed come Tuesday morning.
On this occasion she’s actually making some suspiciously insightful contributions to the discussion, but guaranteed to fall off her chair any minute now. She’s had such a blast that she’s considering necking a couple of Jäger Bombs 5 minutes prior to all future seminars.
Possesses that witty intellectual chat which you so crave, and is the envy of everyone in the room. This guy constantly has everyone in a fit of giggles and your seminar tutor literally gushes over him. Seriously though, he’s slick.
Will happily divulge his various sex fetishes and harnesses the power to make everyone feel chronically uncomfortable in a mere matter of seconds. As soon as he closes his mouth your seminar tutor swiftly changes the topic.
You’re just not well acquainted enough to give Oliver the benefit of the doubt when conjuring an image of him tied to a lamppost with strawberry laces whilst being sexually coerced into cooing like a pigeon. Save it for your friends… maybe not even them.
This guy really knows what he’s talking about. He’s done the recommended reading, he’s one of the few people really digging post-colonialism, and he’s going to make his passion very evident. For the most part, he’s sickening.
The type of person who will spend 15 minutes of the seminar talking about her boyfriend and all the cutesy things they did at the weekend. Have some dignity girl.
Mid-module Mandy and Halfway Henry
These guys are soul mates. Mandy turns up in Week 5 and is a great addition to the group. Everyone really welcomes her presence, she has a lot to say for herself and you can’t help but wonder where this conversational gem was hiding for the first 4 weeks.
Halfway Henry on the other hand consistently rocks up 50 minutes late. Your seminar tutor has never said anything but awkwardly acknowledges his arrival with a venomous glance.
Ah, the one that got away. Elusive Ez turned up to the introductory seminar and since then you’ve only ever encountered him on the d-floor, it’s safe to say he’s never looked back.
Two Pence Terry
Mutters a sentence every half an hour. Makes a solid contribution, sometimes revolutionary. You can tell he’s ridiculously intelligent but are well aware he’s keeping the real gold under wraps for his essay-writing. Stingey bastard.
Poor fella. Always stumbling on his words and never quite able to make a coherent point. We’ve all been there, you think of a great argument but mid-articulation trip up and are left-red-faced with a bruised ego.
A moment of silence for the Awkward Andys out there, if you will.
Constantly off topic, but her digressions serve as well-needed relief from the intensity of those ‘meaning of life’ questions that often crop up. Without Trish you’d be lost in a wilderness of unrelenting academia.
Always manages to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. People have left the room in tears and been referred to counselors because of her brutal opinions.