A second year keeps losing odds on and now he looks ridiculous
You’d think he’d have stopped playing by now
A second year has lost left his hair, eyebrows, and almost the tip of his finger in games of “odds on”.
Meet Oli, an Engineering second year, who is often recognisable from his distinctive appearance.
It all started last year when Oli was made to shave off an eyebrow having lost 15/1 odds. In an ill-advised attempt to salvage his appearance, he proceeded to voluntarily remove the other one.
Oli boldly said: “I thought maintaining symmetry would limit the damage. How naive I was.”
Fortunately for Oli, his friends offered to draw on a replacement.
“It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My mum wouldn’t Skype me because she just couldn’t look at my face,” he said.
Oli said it took six weeks of growth before they looked normal again.
“For six weeks I had to try to hide my face and ignore the looks of disgust from girls.”
In spite of this, Oli recently celebrated the one year anniversary of his ordeal by offering startlingly low odds to have his head shaved.
“I think I gave 5/1 and we both said three. At the time I didn’t really care, I do it to myself.”
With no hair clippers available, an electric face shaver was taken to Oli’s head to gift him his fresh new lid.
Oli added: “I have been called a Neo-Nazi on the street. That was a tough one for the old self-esteem.
“Some days it’s worse than others. Some days I wake up and just think ‘what the fuck am I doing with my life.'”
If you fail to recognise him by his hair, you might be familiar with his Big Dog shirt… because he has had to wear it every day for the last month.
“My friend has one of those awful, awful ‘dad shirts’ and I lost a devastating battle of odds to see who would have to wear it for a month.
“At first I hated it but now I have grown a bit attached to it. It’s like Stockholm syndrome.”
Luckily for Oli then, there is the possibility his sentence might be extended by an additional year.
Oli revealed: “I don’t get with a lot of girls in clubs, as you might imagine given my current appearance.
“However, one day I was feeling confident and claimed I could kiss a girl before my 20th birthday.
“If I fail, I have to wear the Big Dog shirt until I’m 21.”
Oli has until March 10.
Before the gradual degeneration of his appearance, odds on provided Oli with a different experience of public humiliation.
He said: “The very first night out this year I lost 12/1 odds to yell ‘fuck her right in the pussy’ over the live band’s PA system.
“It was the end of their set and I just went for it. They didn’t seem too annoyed, just bemused by the audacity.”
He also regaled us with the story of the time he was made to attend a party of “far cooler people” dressed as an air hostess.
Following a desperate bid for some last minute Dutch courage, the night ended in tears for poor Oli.
As if all this wasn’t enough, unbelievably, Oli was not quite done with his hair.
“I managed to get a bit confused and gave 3/1 odds on having the words ‘ODDS ON’ shaved into the back of my head.”
But he has evaded far worse punishments in the past.
He said: “I once gave 50/1 odds on having the tip of my finger ‘removed’ by a meat cleaver.
“Luckily, I said 23 and Sam said 24… but it was close. I don’t think I would have done it, although you can get it sewn back on.
“Other friends have had to wear stupid clothes to clubs and stuff but I have had the worst by a long way.
“I guess I give pretty stupidly low odds. Maybe I’m a bit unlucky too.”
When asked what would be next for him, Oli said: “Hopefully a slow return to normality, although another potential catastrophe is always just around the corner.”
We look forward to finding out.
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