I went to the Safer Sex Ball and it was as naked and messy as I had dreamed it would be

Probably the most exciting thing that’s ever happened in Torquay


Sunday saw the efforts from the Enchanted Group to revive the legendary event that disgraced the uni, disgusted Daily Mail readers, and is probably the reason why most of the current first and second year students applied to Exeter in the first place.

There was so much hype surrounding the return of the legendary SSB that there were doubts it would live up to sexpectations.

It did a pretty good job though, and not just because everyone there was extremely attractive.

Well sombreros are technically Mexican, but whatever…

Rio was certainly an improvement on the tribal theme of 2012, and there were plenty of feathers, Brazilian flags and an abundance of gold body paint.

Perhaps most importantly, this theme left some room for punny costumes, like a Rio Ferdinand mask. Genius.

Due to the event being a good 45 minutes away from Exeter, there was organized coach travel included in the ticket price, and some poor, unfortunate souls were left to get a coach at 7pm.

Well, arriving anytime before 10pm to any event, especially one that goes on until 3am, is a recipe for disaster.

While it’s a fantastic way to make money at the bar, it also leads to an abundance of scantily clad party goers clinging onto their friends for support and chundering by the bar even earlier than you would expect at Timepiece Wednesday.

All of the gold body paint

As is expected when thousands of half naked university students are stuck together in a dark venue with a reasonably priced bar, the pairing off began very early indeed.

It would appear to be true that if you can’t pull at SSB, you can’t pull anywhere.

The action on the dancefloor would suggest that more than a few guys and gals were swaying through town with the remnants of body paint on their faces, and perhaps a pair of stockings sticking out of their coat pockets the next morning.


Occasionally it got a bit tiring bumping into people getting off and attempting to suck in your stomach while dancing for yet another song, but that was no bother.

There were alternative activities which provided some relief from the dance floor, with a bouncy castle, a mechanical surfboard, sumo suits and a mysterious boxing ring.

Seriously, what was the boxing ring for?

Sadly, the enormous bucking bronco penis, a former staple of the Safer Sex Ball, was nowhere to be found.

The music brought in a welcomed break from the usual playlist heard on most Exeter student nights, although there was a rather bizarre 15 minute silent period, which was never spoken of again for the rest of the night.

One of the DJs also made the decision to play the Harlem Shake at one point which is, let’s be honest, an unforgivable offence.

Not sure what this is, but it happened on stage

Someone did, however, have the foresight to sell cheesy chips and other classic drunk food staples once everyone had drunk away their insecurities and were waiting for a coach back to Exeter.

A perfect end to the night. Fuck you, SSB diet.