Post dissertation guide: How to make your housemates hate you

For the lucky handful that have finished uni, here is the definitive guide on how to make sure you become the worst kind of person possible

Your dissertation’s over. Here are some useful tips on making sure you’re the least popular pigeon on campus

Upload loads of pictures on hand in day

Loads. The edgier the better


Scream and shout about it

We’re all pretty busy at the moment so realistically we are going to forget who has finished and who hasn’t. A brief reminder every few seconds should do the trick. Make sure you repeatedly question them about when they finish too and give a sympathetic nod and sigh before going back to discuss just how happy you are.

Stay at uni

No one is getting bored of eating cereal 3 times a day and watching you munch it out of the box while you’re hungover as hell. Keep going, after all who wants home cooked food anyway.

Everyone finds this funny when they’re trying to work

Just don’t do anything

Finishing uni is absolutely awesome and as a result you deserve to be as unproductive as phyiscally possible. Don’t have a grad job? Don’t care. No one really needs to prepare for the future anyway so mope around being hungover and bitching about how you wish had a job sorted, but whatever you do, don’t actually try and get one.

Jobs are for dweeeebs yo

The most important thing to remember is that when your housemates do finally finish it’s all pretty old-school for you. 3 weeks of non-stop drinking has taken its toll so going out doesn’t really appeal. Repeatedly explain to them that you’re far too hungover and broke to go out, and anway, all the cool kids finished weeks ago…