Alcopops are shit

Why drink a bottle of fruit juice when you can hit the hard stuff?

Smirnoff Ice the tab the tab exeter VK

My housemate asked for a shot of Sambuca in Arena the other week and got handed a VK Blue instead.

Needless to say, he was less than impressed.

The question I have to ask is: why are these drinks so popular?

They’re basically bottles of fruit juice at a piddling 4% (on average), and clearly designed purely for the strawpedo show-off.

If you've got to down a dirty pint at least make it decent

If you’ve got to down a dirty pint at least make it decent

Surely it’d be more admirable to down a real vodka and coke than to pick up a try-hard version and strawpedo a bottle of Smirnoff Ice?

The only reason you’re all giggly afterwards is because of the sugar rush, don’t kid yourself.

The flavours – Black Cherry, Orange and Passion Fruit, Apple and Mango – simply remind me of a bottle of J20 – why not just buy one of those instead? Probably much better for you.

I mean, “Ice Storm” VKs – “infused with glitter”. “Twilight” much?

And don’t get me started on the “Blue” ones – what’s even meant to be in them?

They simply remind me of blue Smarties – the ones you’re told to avoid because of the dodgy E-numbers.

God knows I’ve seen enough hyperactive monstrosities in clubs around Exeter to know I’m never drinking a bottle of something that strongly resembles Smurf piss.

alcopops

They look so artificial it hurts…

On top of looking horrible, the most pungent ones smell like the fluorescent yellow vomit that will inevitably follow after having to drink at least 8 before you’re moderately tipsy.

They may taste like sweets, but you could buy a packet of wine gums for more than half the price or grab a Red Bull and get a Jaegerbomb together.

If you’re going to drink alcopops, at least admit you’re a lightweight before picking up your alcohol-flavoured soft drink from the bar…

Let’s face it – as students, we’re going to need a drink now and again.

So let’s make the most of it and hit the good stuff instead of sipping the stuff a group of 14 year olds “living it large” outside a corner shop drink.