The Five Types of Uni Relationships

The Tab sorts through the most common types of student couples. Which category do you fall under?

relationships the tab the tab exeter University of Exeter

It was a myth we were all told countless times before we started at uni: at some point during the next three years that you will meet The One.

However, when one enters a typical uni household, far from being met with a room full of blissfully happy couples, the relationships we enter into throughout our degrees can be far, far more complicated than our Great Aunts may ever have imagined.

Forget Made in Chelsea, the real drama is easy to observe in every house, with the four different types of couple creating a true case study of what the search for love is really like.

1. The house couple

“Us? We’re NOT that coupley!”

Despite having been warned by everyone, from parents and friends to the cast of Fresh Meat, this couple have still managed to ‘shit where they eat’ and hook up whilst living together.

Much to the horror of the rest of their house, the uni house couple can constantly be seen re-enacting a montage scene from a rom-com, feeding each other mouthfuls of spag bowl, snuggling up on the sofa for a “quiet night in” and, of course, doing the nightly walk of shame back from each other’s room.

Believing themselves to be Exeter’s own Marshall and Lily, they have already branded themselves with a Brangelina style nickname, and it is impossible to see one without the other.

The only thing more sickening then their constant proclamations that they “see each other EVERY SINGLE DAY” is the fear of what will happen if they break up and must still see each other on this daily basis for the next year.

2. Long distance relationship

The boyfriend definitely bought the teddy bear

This couple have typically been together at least three years and have decided to take on the challenge of the long distance relationship, attending unis on the opposite sides of the country – or quite possibly on opposite sides of the world.

Symptoms of the long-distance relationship include dashing off for four hour Skype calls every evening, text conversations which narrate every minute of the day’s events (often including each partner’s bladder habits), meal schedules and conversations with every other human they have spoken with.

Expect their rooms to be plastered with photos of their significant other in a variety of romantic poses and the entirety of their student loans being spent on train fares to see each other every single weekend – or plane tickets once every couple of months.

3. The on/off couple

Supportive friend on the left

It’s impossible to keep up. One minute they are inseparable, going everywhere together, from the library, to the gym, to the shower, the next they act like total strangers.

On the Monday they can be seen booking a romantic weekend away to Paris, but by the Friday they can be witnessed consuming entire tubs of Ben and Jerry’s alone, taking notes whilst watching John Tucker Must Die to prove how they are “completely over” each other.

Not only is this type of relationship traumatic for both members involved, it’s also a constant stress for their friends, who are constantly faced with the confusion of whether they are meant to be insulting or praising the other half of the couple.

However, as much as everyone despairs over this couple, everyone is in agreement that life would be just that little bit duller without them.

4. Wednesday night hook-up

<3 TP Wednesday

This type of uni couple are notorious for only appearing once a week after a particularly heavy night in Timepiece.

Each member of the couple are likely to think themselves a bit of a ‘playaaaaaaa,’ casually slipping in phrases such as “I would,” “she’d get it” and “shotgun” upon passing any half-attractive member of the opposite sex.

Much to the disbelief of everyone who knows them, they somehow seem to manage to wake up with a different ‘friend’ every week, who, after doing the walk of shame past the entire house, is never to be seen or heard of again.

They are likely to have some sort of conquest chart on the wall just to confirm to everyone what a legend/playa/lad they are.

5. Singleton

Who needs a boyfriend when you have a cat and a blanket?

This breed of uni student is the most easily identifiable at a distance, being most commonly spotted in a onesie or slanket (because they are both comfortable AND stylish), usually cuddled up to something fluffy – be it a cat, Disney hot-water bottle or pillow – whilst drinking a herbal tea.

The singleton has resigned themselves to a life alone, and has therefore decided to fully embrace their independence by purchasing a full box set of Downton Abbey, perfecting the art of knitting and committing to watch every funny animal video on YouTube.

Beware, however, for though the singleton may look harmless whilst in their home environment, it only takes one too many VKs on a Saturday night at the Lemmy for their more wild side to be released.