Exeter was named by The Sunday Times as its University of the Year in 2012 for a number of reasons.

One might be their outstanding commitment to continually building something around campus; another might be the wonderful range of shitters made available to us students.

For those who haven’t done so already, we at The Tab have done some thorough research into where exactly the student body should be dropping bombs on campus.

1. The new Harrison toilets:

There are three criteria by which we believe a toilet should be assessed: cleanliness, warmth and emptiness.

These toilets definitely tick all the boxes.

They are impeccably clean, perfectly thermoregulated and quiet between lectures – the optimum time for an enjoyable dump.

Perfect for a contemplative crap.

2. Ram and Costa toilets:

It is a custom in the Far East to squat in an open cubicle whilst defecating.

Although the opportunities to squat in here are limited, any brave soul who gives not a single toss about being observed whilst having a crap should make a beeline to these toilets.

The traditional open, oriental-style toilet.

3. The toilets by AMT Coffee:

An untapped resource, few stray from their path to explore the wilds of these toilets, situated beneath the Auditorium.

Those who do are in for a pleasant surprise.

Further to all the expected features of a new-built bog, there’s a bloody cracking mirror for a crafty selfie.

We’re nearly as good as pouting as we are at pooing.

4. The AU’s Executive Bathroom:

Requiring the skill of concealment, this is a toilet for the more intrepid sportsman amongst you.

To reach it, you have to walk through a small office, occupied by four people.

When this great barren desert has been crossed, the oasis that awaits you is a veritable paradise.

Rumours abound of golden taps, padded seats and Andrex paper: the complete shitting experience on campus.

Since no student has yet gained access to it and lived to tell the tale, no pictures currently exist.

Meanwhile, in Old Lafrowda, this is how we imagine their toilets.

5. Holland Hall Quad:

Fans of al fresco excretions will be pleased to note that there is the perfect location on campus for them.

Residents of Birks will no doubt be aware of the smell at the bottom of cardiac.

Rumour has it that it is in fact the accumulated stool of all of Holland Hall.

Show them how it feels to have to sniff the sewers of your supposed superiors.

What a view to poo to…

6. The first floor Physics toilets:

Naturally, in a building where progressive-thinking men and women alike work away like squirrels, it’s only appropriate that the forefront in hand drying technology should be on show.

The Dyson Airblades save a solid five or six seconds over the conventional hand dryer, and nearly eliminate the issue of bacterial growth on the dryer, an important point to consider post-poo.

Despite appearances, he is not pissing into the airblade

7. The pool behind the Lemmy:

Just to use these facilities between the months of September and April, one must scale an eight-foot wall topped with razor wire and evade the tactically-placed barriers.

It would be a flipping good story to tell, though…

Potential for spying from the inhabitants of those houses, mind.