The Tab Tries: An Honest Job Application

The Tab tries an honest job application for University of Exeter undergraduates.

the tab the tab exeter

So why this firm?

Because I’ve vaguely heard of it, and I reckon people might be impressed if I say work for you (and it might help me get laid).

Also, I know you came to the Careers Fair, but I didn’t go because I didn’t want to look like some keen badger in front of the lads.

Furthermore, Daddy might finally be proud of me if I get a job at a big firm.

You were also, like, the first name on the TargetJobs website. Oh and I also really like the culture.

I want to work in an office with a sick-looking entrance, too.

So why this industry?

Because I’ve loved analysing banks’ balance sheets, writing Excel formulas and doing pointless presentations since I was six years old, so you know I’m motivated.

Also, I’ve heard city people make, like, at least £4 million a year with massive bonuses and I really want to be rich.

Also, I’m doing Economics at University so I figure I know all the shit about aggregate demand that matters loads at banks and stuff.

Finally, you see all these old banker dudes with fit girlfriends and I want to get in on that. I’m also really interested in financial markets.

Click on the image to see a YouTube video that sums it up.

So what skills do you bring to the job?

Well I joined Besoc and went to one of their socials so I obviously know loads about business.

Also, I’ve got tons of experience from when I did two days in a consulting firm following my dad around after my GCSEs.

I’m totally cool with fraud and stuff, so I’m not going to be one of those whistle-blower pigeons.

I’m fairly handy with Maths, and I can use computers pretty well.

Avoid these sort of pigeons at all costs.

When was there a time when you convinced someone of your opinion?

Last Thursday, some of the boys want to go to Arena – when quite clearly the only night on a Thursday is #dirtybeats.

So I simply enumerated all the ways Mosaic is superior to Arena (trust me, it is) and got all the lads to go to Mozzas instead.

Safe to say we all had a beaut night. I f*****g love Dirty Beats.

The Tab isn’t sure this guy likes Dirty Beats, though.