Hasta la vista, Exeter

Ok, I’ve graduated, but what will I miss the most about Exeter?

1. The hills

Gollum’s finest hungover fresher impression

One of the most loathed parts of Exeter. Why wouldn’t they build campus on the top of Mount Doom? Although the hills did mean I felt guilt-free about not getting a gym membership, turning up as sweaty and hot as Gimli’s armpit after an axe throwing sesh was not the one. However, I will miss seeing freshers marching up the hill, slowly changing from Smeagol to Gollum as the hangovers kicked in and their zest for education faded across the year.

2. The shit-stained toilets during deadline and exam time

Some of us will know how Ewan feels. Poor bloke. (Trainspotting, by the way: good film.)

Everyone knows Redbull (or the 35p knock-off version that flood library desks across campus) has a laxative effect if drunk in excess. The reason everyone knows this is because of the state of the library loos – the smell, the skids, the awkward moment when you accidentally make eye-contact with someone after they’ve clearly dropped a bomb in the toilet you’re about to enter. I’m not saying the cleaners don’t do their job; I’m applauding them for attempting to cope with the tidal wave of shit that engulfs the toilets when the energy drinks start flowing.

3. Arena

Locals night in Arena, anyone?

Famed for its mysterious smell, the ability to strip you of all dignity when you walk through its doors, and for curiously warm jaeger-bombs, it’s the home of the facebook de-tag and the land of many lost keys/wallets/phones. I’m sure we all know someone who’s been fingered, given a hand-job or actually done the nasty in or around the club. Arena is like an abusive partner – it ruins your life but every week you go back for more.

4. Express library fines

Fuck off am I paying £56799.11 worth of fines for a useless book on renaissances images of cats that I was just two minutes late handing in.

Exeter’s librarians counting their dough

5. Forum

I will certainly miss the airport terminal built in the centre of our campus. It’s impossible to avoid your awful one-night stands or that twat from your seminars that does not fucking shut up. And, let’s not forget the stalls of ‘prospective employers’ who reel you in literally just to send you a rejection letter. Or the cake sales. Or the randomly LOUD salsa dancing going on during exams. Or the mindless staff wondering around looking a bit lost clutching their iPads like a lifejacket in a storm of students. Let’s not even mention election week.

Yeah, the Forum really does like like Terminal 5, doesn’t it?

Lol, jk I love Exeter Uni and everything about it. Even Arena.