1. The Queue

You’ve spent the best part of Saturday ironing your shirts, applying your make-up and ensuring every hair on your body is perfectly in place. What better way to complete the ‘Roaring Twenties’ look than a queue more chaotic than the Valentine’s Day Massacre?

If that wasn’t enough, you spent less time in the queue if you HADN’T collected your ticket? At what point did we open a campus in Opposite Land?

I expected to spend my last night in Exeter sweating over a number of beautiful girls in pretty dresses. But not like this.

 

2. Where WAS everything?!

On finally risking the ire of your fellow punters by sneaking up the outside of the line (don’t turn your nose up, we all did it), the ball sprawled out ahead of you.

We know where the Great Hall is. We know where the Ram is. We know where the Kitchen Café is. However nothing indicated what each of these locations had to offer. Instead, we were left to meander through the venue like a lost kid looking for his mum in a supermarket.

 

3. No Fun Fair

On the initial press release for the event, fairground rides were promised. However, in the week leading up to the ball, this promise was withdrawn unbeknownst to us due to ‘unsafe conditions’. By definition, a fun fair is fun. And not having one is not fun.

Regardless, plenty of us spent at least some of the night searching for dodgems and ferris wheels that simply weren’t there. The only roller-coaster I rode that night was an emotional one.

 

4. The Heat

Wearing a tuxedo is far from a rare pleasure here in Exeter. Therefore it was hard to appreciate the privilege of wearing black tie in the sweltering 30 degree heat.

Let alone those unfortunate enough to be in heavy make-up. Napalm in Madame Tussauds doesn’t cover it.

 

5. The Music

The main stage hosted a cohort of student bands followed by the same CD-R they play at the Lemmy every Saturday night.

Will Millner, DJing in the Beats and Bass Room describes how when setting up, he and the rest of the society were “confused why Itchy Feet had been shunned to Room Two behind DJ Farmer (Lemmy resident) at a party whose theme seemed to perfectly compliment their music.”

Southampton Uni had DJ Fresh, Scott Mills and Pendulum for that price. York had Tinchy Stryder and The Futureheads. Nottingham Trent had Example, Rudimental AND Everything Everything, and they’re basically a sixth-form college.

Let alone the fiasco in the Beats and Bass room. Tom Cooke, one of the DJs, described how he and the other DJs “spent the best part of the afternoon installing the largest rig we could and it was sounding great”, only to be “visited every 5 minutes by an old man with a decibel meter who had clearly been appointed the position of Chief Party Pooper”.

The message is clear: music is better loud.

 

6. The Décor

Pretty minimalist to say the least. Millner describes how when they were setting up, the extent of decorations throughout the venue appeared to be “a crudely laid purple carpet, frosted glass boxes with stock images of dancers and gangsters which were just confusing and 1970s silver steamers blue-tacked to the wall, which most parents would be embarrassed to use for their child’s 10th birthday party.”

The only ‘twenties’ thing about this room is that most of the people in it are in their twenties.

 

7. The Dancers

Described by one Drama babe as “Devon’s finest cattle prancing around in purple corsets and pants.” No thanks.

 

8. The Beats & Bass Room

Dance music sounds great at Cavern – a darkened room. Dance music sounds even better at the Cellar Door – another darkened room. Dance music on the ground floor of Devonshire with lights that can’t be shut off? BLINDING.

Normally Beats and Bass gigs are killer. This halogen nightmare left punters feeling “exposed and vulnerable”.

 

9. Finishing on Hey Jude

A complaint for the Sport Scientists now, as the ‘jifs’ doled out scornful looks left, right and centre to those daring to sing “hey Lukie, Lukie Lukie Lukieeeeeee”. Let them have their fun, they’ll be helping your kids shower in ten years’ time.

 

10. It was too short

This is OUR LAST STUDENT EVENT. Pulling the plug on the main stage 5 minutes early should be a no-go. Even finishing at 2am is taking the piss. If ever there was a night for the Uni to apply for a late-license from the City Council, this was it.

 

11. Ticket Price

At £35 for a feather ticket, grad ball is priced similarly to the Safer Sex Ball, Exeter’s marquee event, which most students consider the highlight of their time here. Standing the two events side by side, it’s obvious which comes off better.

Grad ball had a jazz quartet; SSB had Rudimental and Danny Howard. Grad ball was black tie; at SSB, everyone was more or less naked.

I enjoyed grad ball, not because of any of the gimmicks that were (or weren’t) offered, but because of the company I kept. In the future, it’d be good to see a bit more bang for the student buck, so that the event matches the effort we the punters go to.

Still, at least there weren’t any freshers there.