The Tab Meets…Maya Mills

After last week’s “Exeter’s Fittest Fresher” contest hosted by Original Sin at Rococo’s, blonde bombshell Maya Mills emerged triumphant. The Tab met up with Maya over coffee, and found time for a few choice words between gawping at her and trying to smell her hair.

The Tab: So Maya, what do you consider to be your best attribute?

Maya: I’m not really sure to be honest!

The Tab: I’ll put your eyes, we’ve only just started and I’m already lost in them.

Maya: Ha, you’re ridiculous.

The Tab: What’s it like to be Exeter’s fittest fresher? How has it changed your life?

Maya: I’ve been getting a lot of abuse to be honest!

The Tab: That seems cruel, what sort of things?

Maya: Just lots of insults, girls ask me if they should bow to me, tell me that I’m arrogant, stuff like that!

The Tab: So how old are you?

Maya: 18.

The Tab: And where are you in halls?

Maya: Holland.

The Tab: So you’re really attractive and really rich, in what other areas are you better than us all?

Maya: Ha, that’s unfair.

The Tab: I’ve noticed so far something that isn’t your best attribute, and that’s your accent. Are you Welsh?

Maya: Yeah, I’m from Abergavenny.

The Tab: So presumably you left Wales for Exeter because despite your good looks, you found yourself overlooked in favour of livestock?

Maya: That’s exactly right, yeah.

The Tab: So what do you do to stay in shape?

Maya: I play netball and tennis, and also I do zumba.

The Tab: Isn’t that just a more pretentious version of boxercise?

Maya: More or less.

The Tab: So are you single?

Maya: Yes.

The Tab: Want to stay that way?

Maya: Ha, I’m enjoying the freedom!

The Tab: What do you look for in a guy?

Maya: Honesty.

The Tab: Anything else? Like maybe an older guy, facial hair, bit of an edgy lid?

Maya: Absolutely. All of the above.

The Tab: So it’s personality over appearance for you?

Maya: Well, I think you can tell a lot about personality from appearance…

The Tab: In what respect?

Maya: Like, if you’re good looking you’re normally an arsehole!

The Tab: So you’re calling yourself an arsehole?

Maya: No, I mean guys!

The Tab: Did you take a gap year?

Maya: No – I would never have come back to uni!

The Tab: Have you always been staggeringly pretty or were you a late bloomer?

Maya: Until I was 15, I was like morbidly obese! Then I grew a lot taller and it evened out a bit!

The Tab: OK, time for a bit of quick-fire. Favourite drink?

Maya: SoCo and lemonade.

The Tab: Wow, me too. Do fit girls poo?

Maya: No.

The Tab: Do your farts smell like lavender?

Maya: Always.

The Tab: Tell me a secret.

Maya: Back when I was in Year 7, I used to shave off my eyebrows and draw them back on again.

The Tab: Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic surely…what flavour lip gloss do you wear?

Maya: Coconut butter.

The Tab: Prove it.

Maya: I don’t think so.

The Tab: Would you ever shave your head for charity?

Maya: Yes.

The Tab: Would you sleep with Pudsey?

Maya: No. Wouldn’t want to scare the kids!

The Tab: What kind of pants do you wear?

Maya: Thongs mostly.

The Tab: What are your thoughts on the Save Our Streetlights campaign?

Maya: I think the council’s proposal is stupid. They’re just inviting more muggings.

The Tab: Spit or swallow?

Maya: Depends what I’m eating.

The Tab: Finally, can I get a second date?

Maya: Sure. Yo! Sushi’s opening soon, we should go.

And with that, Maya sauntered out of Costa and into my dreams. Personality, looks, money…Maya’s got it all. It’s just a shame she can’t have a nationality transplant (just kidding Welsh readers!).