What’s the deal with cheesy chips?

While not my personal late-night tipple of choice, it’s hard not to notice that while I wait in line for my Special Burger, the majority of the kebab shop patrons are there for a simple but effective midnight munch – Cheesy Chips.

There’s just something about the high-carb, high-calorie snack that sends Arena-dwellers stumbling towards the greasy havens in the early hours. So what’s the deal with cheesy chips?

Sidwell’s Fish & Chips – £2.20
The Sidwell Street fish and chip shop is renowned by Exeter’s students for a simple, yet ingenious piece de resistance – they melt the cheese in the microwave. Whatever gastro-chemical orgy occurs when cheese is melted, it’s good. Really good.
However, this can cause the thick, oily chips underneath to become unpleasantly soggy and unappealing. Coupled with the fact that they refuse to provide salad and have a miniscule sauce selection, this reporter considers Sidwell’s one to avoid.

Raj India – £2.49
For a standard portion size, this is a hefty price to pay for some chips and some cheese. But that’s not all you get! The chips were particularly crispy in this curry joint, and you have the option to have Raj’s famous green sauce. We don’t know what’s in it, we just know that it’s like nectar.
So maybe save this one for a special night. Your housemate’s birthday, or when you’re trying to impress a drunken conquest before taking him/her home (you naughty readers! I know your game.)

Best Kebabs – £2
Along with the excellent location, this kebab house also provides some great deals. Every order of cheesy chips not only comes with a wide range of sauces and salad, but you get 2 onion bhajis on top. Imagine some epic orchestral music playing in the background and then read that in Morgan Freeman’s voice. While I wasn’t provided with as much cheese as I would have liked, the chaps behind the counter will probably give you some more if you ask really nicely.
The bhaji/salad/cheese/chips compilation makes Best Kebabs a definite contender, providing you with much more substance than most other places. Just don’t expect anyone to want to snog you after those bhajis.

Mega Kebab – £1.50
What’s that? The cheapest cheesy chips in town? Oh yes. If you’re short of spare change after your night time debauchery, Mega Kebab can certainly provide something for you if you can scrape together the measly few coins, just don’t expect the same sort of quality you could get from the more expensive places, as the cheese is totally flavourless and the portion sizes are heavily disappointing.

Arena Burger Van – £1.80
The well-placed Arena adjacent van in question does serve up a nice quantity of good quality thick chips, but don’t expect any choice of sauce or any salad alongside your chips. The cheese isn’t much to write home about either. Another one to reserve for when you’re short of cash.

Justaste – £2.20
I’ve always been a fan of the Justaste guys because of their good salad range, but the overpriced cheesy chips they dished up were completely flavourless, even with the addition of garlic mayo. If you’re having something else, don’t rule these guys out, but it’s certainly worth making the walk to the other end of Sidwell Street if you’re craving chips covered in cheese.

Golden Horn – £2
So you’re spilling out of Rococo’s or Mosaic… Obviously you’re going to Golden Horn. But what awaits inside their polystyrene tubs?
It’s certainly not a taste explosion. The chips were crispy but totally lacking in any flavour, as was the cheese. It’s OK for emergencies, but in this eatery I’d recommend something else. Anything else.

The Verdict
It’s been a carb-filled, heart-stopping week, but all this is done in the name of journalism to give you a better university experience. The result of my in-depth critique of Exeter’s favourite drunken snack is this – go to Best Kebabs. For a mere £2, you get a heaping mound of flavour, and something heavily underrated late at night – vegetables! The bhajis are also a greasy, delicious, drunken delight.