Top 5 Drunks you will see out this week

Charley Mason on the top 5 people you’ll encounter whilst on the sauce.


According to the Internet, a glass or two of an alcohol based drink can help you  lose your inhibitions, relax and become more socially confident. But is this really a  desired effect when considering the types of intoxicated students likely to be found lurking or parading themselves in Arena?

1. The Blind Stumbler

I’m never quite sure whether it’s an excess of mascara or the vodka, but alcohol really does impair vision as well as cause loss of control of your movements and balance. This character is likely to be found on the floor (let’s hope for their sake that it’s not the Lemmy) and will inevitably be covered in bruises and/or other debris by morning. Stay well away unless you too want to be dragged down.

2. The Exhibitionist
A penchant for being the centre of attention can lead some to getting naked and being very loud. Unfortunately, England is known for being quite chilly and most boys find that  taking their clothes off is therefore counterproductive.

3. The Crier

This is probably a girl in the toilets. Her reason for crying is usually either unintelligible or pretty pathetic. Unless you are a trained counselor, I would advise you to pretend you haven’t seen her as any sympathetic noises might be taken badly or worse, earn you a new best friend for the evening. I hope I am never the girl in question as I have a feeling I wouldn’t gain much sympathy.

4. The Aggressive

By day this person is absolutely charming. Somehow, under the cover of darkness they morph into a monster. Destruction can be taken out on others, objects or  themselves. Perhaps stay and watch from a safe distance.

5. The Slut

Alcohol has been known to increase some human desires. But grinding every living thing within a mile radius is probably not going to meet those ends unless you find a partner suffering from similar side effects.

Perhaps different alcoholic substances may bring out different elements of the above categories in you. A word of advice? Always read the label. Please drink responsibly. A.K.A if you’re concerned about becoming one of the above personas, stay away from me on your excursions wherever they may be.