The Tab tries…SOBER SECOND YEAR ROCOCO’S

Jess Rayner travels four months back down Memory Lane.


Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I must be crazy. But the situation arose where I had to be in charge of 40 freshers heading to F*** Me I’m Fresh and I really didn’t want any of them to get run over on the journey. I had frequented Coco’s pretty much every Thursday of last year but through the eyes of a second year I saw it in a whole new light.

The bar is surrounded by ‘badass’ rugby lads downing WHOLE VKs (gasp!) and eyeing up the giggling group of girls in identical bodycon skirt’n’vest combos. The drunken 5 minute queue for the bar is in fact a sober half an hour of being elbowed by some Welsh guy with a quiff claiming he’s ‘totally lashed!’ At least you can’t complain about £1.50 shots.

The dance floor is a sweaty mess built up of layers. On the edges you’ll find the couples, entwined and leaning against the barriers half due to the fact that they are ‘so in love’, half due to the 6 double vodka and cokes they chugged earlier on that night. Pushing their way past the couples is the poor souls who have lost their friends and think that circuiting the dance floor is the best way to be re-united. It isn’t.

Closer to the middle is sharking territory where predators stalk their prey. These sharks might seem to act alone but they always have some wingmen/women (YES! Girls shark too!) hiding somewhere. When drunk, sharks might seem to appear from nowhere and act so smoothly to win your affection. When sober and observing, it’s a very different story. While queuing for a drink, I saw the same guy stumble over to about 7 girls and try to same ‘whisper-in-her-ear-while-touching-her-arm’ move. It wasn’t successful.

As much as I loved finishing every night with a bit of Mumford and Sons last year, it became very obvious to me that the Rococo’s playlist has not changed in the longest time. Flo Rida Wild Ones? Check! Rihanna and Calvin Harris? Check! Baywatch? Need I go on? When pissed and fresh, I would’ve screamed ‘TUNNNNNNNNNNE!’ and danced like an idiot; now I just cringe and think fondly of Timepiece top floor.

While I have many the fond memory of Coco’s last year, I have a feeling that I’ll be leaving it to the freshers and giving it a miss this year…