No Lukie, No Lighty!
Resident Lukie Matt Laventure recounts the Lukie RAG’s Take Me Out.
The ITV1 dating show hosted by Bolton-bred comedian PaddyMcGuinness, "Take Me Out" has grown in popularity and reputation every year; much like St. Luke's Campus. So much so, that the creation of a Lukie edition seemed inevitable – and so it was.
Was the event a success? Last year’s certainly was, and not even arriving late while nursing a hangover fresh from the depths of the underworld could stop this reporter from chuckling heartily at some of the antics on this year’s show.
Hosted by Lukie BNOC (‘Big Name on Campus’ for our colloquially challenged readers) Brett “Rich-what?” Richmond and starring the lovely lads and ladies who proudly call themselves Lukies, the show had a structure very similar to the real thing – all the girls had “lights” (bits of card, red on one side and white with their name written on the other – no expenses spared) and just like the TV show, if they’re turned off, they turn off.
Since a well-developed VT would be far too much effort for the simple minds of your average Lukie, the single men simply said their name and hometown before demonstrating a talent of their choice, from innuendo-infested poems to hilarious impressions of Nelson Mandela to pulling up one’s trousers without once using one’s hands (yes, really).
If, after such gifted displays, any of the girls had inadvertently forgotten to turn off (/flip over), our desperados were given a challenge by the RAG team (who are responsible for this hugely entertaining event). Press-ups, dance-offs, getting as many kisses as possible – all things commonly encountered at your average BOP (St. Luke’s improvement of the Lemmy).
Finally, a friend from the audience would spill the beans about our male contestants, typically telling an embarrassing story from one slightly inebriated night out (or, in one case, a combination of several). The highlight of the night, though, has to be one of the guys’ questions to the remaining girls; “Ladies, I suffer from CHRONIC KNOBCHEESE,” (I shit you not!), “so if you were a type of cheese, what would you be?” Best response was arguably “I don’t know, but definitely not knobcheese.”
All in all, tremendous fun was had by everyone involved, from contestants coming out with some truly naughty questions/responses, to audience members howling in laughter, to Brett’s wonderfully adapted Paddy-isms: “Let the Naked, see the Quad!” appeared a crowd favourite.
And, in spite of some truly shocking attempts at charming our girls, the night was almost a complete success – only one of our cheeky chappies suffered a blackout. Apparently impressions of South African dignitaries weren’t getting the girls’ and hot and bothered as expected, which means, somewhat shockingly, Mr. Cheese got a date!
What that says about standards over at St. Luke’s, I’ll leave that for the readers to decide…