The Myth of Sexy Sex

Have you ever noticed how perfect sex is when portrayed by the media?

And how, as a result, real sex just doesn’t quite live up to our expectations? Note, ladies and gentlemen, that I am not talking about porn (although I’m sure that does play a part). Alas, few of us will ever have the body, or erm…size, of a porn star – although whether that is a good or bad thing is a completely different question!

It is widely accepted that in the fantasy of film and TV, there seems to be little need for condoms. Besides, ruining the crucial moment by having to stop, locate and unwrap a condom (less than romantic), perhaps no-one fears an unwanted STI or child? Perhaps, there is a widespread new magical form of contraception that in the real world we have yet to come across. I don’t know, but I’d like to find out.

Following on from this, have you ever noticed how there is never any mess?! The couple in question, at a party, on the beach, in the office or somewhere equally risqué, seem to just get up and leave. They both look highly presentable – no red flush, no messy hair. Nothing seems to be dripping down the side of their leg. We can only live in envy.

Above all, intercourse in films and TV is unrealistically romantic. It is a world where the process of undressing is highly attractive, no-one unwanted ever walks in, sweat just doesn’t seem to exist and I-love-you is a necessary pre-requisite to any form of copulation. To add to this, viewers are lead to believe that drunken sex is always incredible (it’s not), that the faces of the couple in question are always beautiful and chiselled (where are the revolting expressions of ecstasy?), that girls always wear matching underwear (sorry boys I hate to break it to you) and that simultaneous (and very noisy) orgasms are both regular and expected. To achieve all of the above in one session, is not only admirable, but near impossible.

On the other hand, there are a few examples of where sex in films has been taken to the other extreme:

– That famous moment in The Inbetweeners where Will attempts to have sex with Charlotte, not only leaving his socks on, but moving around on top of her like an electrified, demented eel.

– Knocked Up. This film carries a deeply moral message – learn to use a condom or your one night stand may come back to haunt you, pregnant, and nobody wants that.

– The entire film The 40 Year Old Virgin – including comparing women’s breasts to ‘bags of sand’. The film was criticised for not being a ‘tribute to self-control or purity’ (very much in line with our twenty-first century values…)

So perhaps they get it right the first time round showing us what we want to believe rather than the reality. Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion, that much of the time in the real world, sex just isn’t that sexy.