Does it Always Feel So Good, Being Bad?

One Exeter student’s discovery of whether Rihanna was right.

Bondage Kinky Love Romance Sex

“How can we spice things up?”


It’s a question that most of us have asked ourselves at some point. Bored of the same old, same old, we frantically search for something new, exciting, exotic.


This often sees us turn to the seductive world of S&M; lured by the promise of sexual discovery, we bravely strap ourselves in (quite literally) and prepare for the ride.


But what happens if and when the ride becomes too bumpy? How long is it before the pleasure simply becomes pain?

For someone embarking on their first “kinkified” experience, the seemingly never-ending stream of possibilities can be more than a little daunting. Whips, gags, costumes, restraints, nipple clamps, body paint… Where does one start?!


The first port of call should always be one’s own personal fantasies and a few locations in town.


Delve into the delights of ‘Simply Pleasure’ on Sidwell Street to discover how to tantalise and tease. They cater for the bondage beginner to the cock ring connoisseur.


If you fancy something a little more High Street, strut into Ann Summers to discuss with one of their highly experienced sales staff whether you’d prefer body tape or bejwelled nipples for your lover.


Anyone who claims not to have pictured themselves or their significant other in some risqué situation or other is a shame-faced liar, and these mental pictures, however lurid, can be an excellent starting point in making fantasy become reality.


What must always be remembered, however, is that one man’s pleasure is another man’s poison; as soon as this is forgotten, things can turn very nasty indeed.

I speak, I am slightly ashamed to admit, from personal experience, having found myself in such a position on several, (but by no means countless), occasions.


A similar pattern is always followed – we’re in the bedroom, things are heating up, and he tells me what he’s into. It all sounds pretty exciting (after all, man cannot live on perfunctory fornication alone), so I agree to give it ago.


Before I know it, I’m tied down to a bed or up against a door-frame being subjected to a string of increasingly painful exploits. Either that or I’m the one doing the exploiting, if my chosen bedfellow is more of a submissive type.


Do I enjoy it? Yes, initially – any new sexual experience is, at first, a winner. But I have to admit that once the pain really kicks in, when I can no longer breathe and feel as though my nipples are on fire, my enjoyment is somewhat dampened.


This is even the case if I’m the one in control – there are only so many times one can administer a spanking before one’s arm starts to ache. Naturally though, I daren’t say anything. I wouldn’t want him to think I was boring. So I ride it out and worry about how to cover up the scratch marks at a later date.

So how can this exhausting and frankly excruciating situation be avoided? What it boils down to is an assurance of mutual interests – explore as much as you like, but if it’s not what you’re into, don’t do it, no matter what your partner promises you in return.


The world of pain should be reserved for those who are genuinely united by a penchant for Rihanna-esque whips and chains. They may have excited her, but the rest may wish to stick to kisses and cuddles.