You’re not an Edi student unless you’ve done 50/58 of these things before graduation
Haven’t Hive til Five-d? Do you even go here…
As those of us about to graduate are painfully aware, the four years you spend at Edinburgh Uni are about more than just your degree. They’re about the experiences, adventures, and memories you make along the way. That extra year you get are really so you’ve got more time to enjoy yourself, but also to get into shenanigans that’ll make a great story to one day.
But what are the core memories that Edinburgh students share? All the Cowgate nights out, Edi student in-jokes, and quirks of living in such a magical city. So, can you really call yourself an Edinburgh student unless you’ve done at least 50 of these 58 things before you graduate?
1. Fallen asleep during a lecture in Gordon Aikman
Why is it so warm in there all the time?!
2. Admired the view from the 13th floor of 40 George Square
They say the best views of Edinburgh are from 40 George Square, because you can’t see 40 George Square.
3. Been kicked out of Big Cheese
Probably in Fresher’s Week, definitely after a few too many VKs.
4. Watched the infamous Pollock TV video
Two and a half years on, I’m still fascinated by it. Did those Scottish girls survive the rest of the year surrounded by yahs? Do the cleaners agree that they have a “rapport” with those students? And how did they all cope after Juju’s ended?
5. Shagged someone with a mullet
Or a signet ring.
6. Made the fourth floor of Main Lib your entire personality
By the time you submitted your diss, you had an unassigned assigned seat and there was hell to pay if anyone else sat in it.
7. Gone for a dip in the sea at Portobello
Spoiler alert: it’s freezing.
8. Made a vibey Tik Tok about Edi
The amount of first and second years that chose Edinburgh Uni based on these Tik Toks scares me.
9. Stayed up for Fringe
There’s no better way to spend a summer than watching surrealist one-woman shows, being lowkey exploited by your employer, and paying double the normal price for a pint.
10. Completed Hive til Five
Anyone who can keep going in Hive until 5am is braver than the marines.
11. Sat people-watching outside Soderberg
The highlight was that one time you saw the guy that gets pulled around Quartermile on a skateboard by his huskies. What a legend.
12. Ordered a venom in Subway
13. Eaten a meal at the JMCC
This only counts if it was “douuuused in olive oil”.
14. Jealousy-watched a Nayna Florence YouTube video
Because you too can be Edi’s next it-girl if you swap out 3am trips to Burrito and Shake for early morning avocado toast.
15. Gone for a spin on the pole at Gari’s
This seemed like a good idea after a few too many Gari’s specials. But you woke up the next day feeling a bit sore (and covered in bruises) after falling on your arse in front of the whole club.
16. Visited St. Andrews and thanked your lucky stars you didn’t get in
There are literally two streets and more golf courses than nightclubs.
17. Rubbed shoulders with minor royalty
Having to break it to older relatives that you hadn’t (yet) bagged a Chatto brother was tough.
18. Had sex in a uni building
Bonus points if it was Appleton Tower
19. Had a heated argument over which Spoons is better: the Standing Order or the Caley Picture House
The correct answer is Caley Picture House and no I will not be taking questions at this time.
20. Eaten nachos or curly fries in Teviot
Is there anything else on the menu?
21. Watched the fireworks on Calton Hill
22. Been overly excited during cherry blossom season because it meant the end of your seasonal depression
~All the serotonin~
23. Gone to a flat party in Quartermile and felt poor
Someone definitely broke something or found the booze cupboard and and all hell broke loose.
24. Eaten a deep fried mars bar
Crispy, sweet, and slightly salty. So wrong it’s right.
25. Been in town for Hogmanay
Because nowhere does New Year quite like Edi.
26. Climbed Arthur’s seat at sunrise or sunset
27. Tutted at tourists that rub Greyfriar’s Bobby’s nose
It DaMaGeS tHe StAtUe
28. Gone to Dean Village purely because it would make an aesthetic Instagram post
Then complained when there’s literally nothing there.
29. Been featured on Clubbers of the Week
30. Repeated a dumb Edi superstition
“Go to the Castle before graduation and you won’t graduate”, “If you don’t climb Arthur’s Seat in Fresher’s Week you’ll have four years of bad luck and bad sex” – well, I didn’t climb Arthur’s Seat and Fresher’s Week and I was fine. Oh wait…
31. Had a barbecue on The Meadows
You definitely got pissed before the sausages finished cooking.
32. Bumped into Ferret Man
Probably in the Dog House.
33. Bumped into a film star or film set
Yes, it’s annoying when your Uber gets diverted because a road is closed to film the latest Fast and Furious. But equally, how cool!
34. Experienced all four seasons in one day
Don’t like the Edi weather at any given moment, just wait 15 minutes and you’ll be grand.
35. Taken a random elective in first year for the lols
First and second year don’t count? Why not fuck about and take a random language or a niche humanity subject. This is all fun and games until there’s a possibility you could fail them and you’re stressing about how to get a 40 in Norwegian or Criminology.
36. Had a flat mouse
37. Briefly considered the possibility that you might be the main character
Edinburgh just has that ~je ne sais quoi~ in the air that makes everything you do seem vibey.
38. Rolled your eyes at one of the Harry Potter tour
Why are grown adults shouting “Lumos” at the traffic lights at 10 o’clock in the morning?
39. Done the walk of shame across The Meadows
You will inevitably bump into everyone you’ve ever met including your lecturer, best friend’s ex, and that girl from your 10am tutorial.
40. Drunk an overpriced Bailey’s Hot Chocolate at the Christmas Market
The cost is justified by the fact it stops your fingers from getting frostbite in the cold.
41. Submitted an Edifess that went midly viral
But have you considered polyamory though?
42. Sprinted to the shops at 9:55pm
I’ve got something to get off my chest: the 10PM alcohol ban is the worst thing about going to uni in Scotland.
43. Commented on the geographic inaccuracies of a film that was set or filmed in Edinburgh
The route they take in Eurovision: Fire Saga to the finale makes absolutely zero sense. And Sunshine on Leith uses the ground floor of 40 George Square as a hospital – weird.
44. Taken this exact picture on the Vennel steps
45. Been to Varsity at Murrayfield solely for the piss up
And to hate on St Andrew’s – sorry not sorry.
46. Seen Pug Lady walking her pugs around The Meadows
For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, Pug Lady is a woman who is often seen walking a herd of pugs (many of them old, disabled, with wheels to help them walk, and in pushchairs). A true Edi icon and I want to be her one day.
47. Not really given a flying fuck about where Harry Potter was written
48. Built a snowman on The Meadows or gone sledging on Arthur’s Seat
Is there anywhere more beautiful than Edinburgh in the snow?
49. Picked up a slightly problematic social smoking or vaping habit
You’ve told yourself its okay because it doesn’t count if you’re drunk and not buying them yourself.
50. Made weird and uncomfortable eye contact with Peter from Bake Off on The Meadows
The first time you saw him you couldn’t believe it. Yes, the real Peter Bakes in the flesh. But then you realised you were fully staring at him and it was really awkward – oops.
51. Screamed the words to Mr Brightside at Three Sisters
52. Gone to a ball and injured yourself during the ceilidh
Tbf it can get pretty mad when you’re stripping the willow.
53. Gratuitously pointed out famous film or book locations across the city
DiD yOu kNoW tHaT’s ThE cAfÉ fRoM tHe AvEnGeRs?
54. Rolled your eyes at a terrible bagpiper
It’s not the most hangover-friendly of instruments – especially when its always one of three songs. Come on lads and learn some more tunes…
55. Had a visit from Mr Spock
56. Been called a yah
It was probably that one time you decided to try out a pair of flares or a sweater vest and then never lived it down. But don’t worry, most Edi students are at least yah-adjacent even if not fully blown yahs.
57. Gotten a free drink in PDT
If you know you know.
58. Made friends and memories for life
I’m not crying, you’re crying…