These are the 13 things that make you a walking red flag as an Edi student

Never missing a Tuesday at Bongo’s🚩🚩🚩

As our Matchmaking Mondays on Instagram show, Edi students love a bit of yearning over people they barely know.

If you get lucky and get talking to your library/cafe/society crush, you might start noticing some bad habits in them. Although some would argue going to Edinburgh University in of itself is a red flag, not all students were created equal when it comes to exhibiting unhealthy traits.

But what are the things that Edi students do that scream red flag? If more than three of these things resonate with your partner/crush/yourself, tread carefully. You’re on thin ice. 

1. Are from Surrey but say they’re from South/West London.

When it comes to the Big Three: Freshers’ Edition (what’s your name, what course are you studying and where are you from), one of these questions can fill certain Edi students with abject fear.

They know they’ll probably get away with claiming they’re from South London in the company of Scots, Northerners or international students, but god forbid someone asks where exactly in London they live and they have to painfully explain that it’s more like Guildford.

2. Has been on @MulletsofEdi

There are three ways the mullets on this account can go – 70s pimp, rugby Tory or someone so quirky and alternative that they’ll laugh in your face if you say you shop in St James’s Quarter.

Needless to say, all of these are red flags. 

3. Studies economics, finance, or any money related degree

They’ve been searching for a grad job since 14, lecture people about NFTs and look up their date’s net worth before they go out to meet them.

Curiously enough, they’ll never offer to pay for anything while on a date. 

4. Regularly goes to Big Cheese, Atik or Hive beyond first year

Okay, so they claim to do it ironically, just for the jokes and because the drinks are cheap.  However, you can’t help but be suspicious that they go to pull first years (ironically) and not have anyone kick them out when they throw up all down the stairs (ironically).

Atik’s upstairs dance floor is a scary place

5. Lives in New Town

No student flat should have an Aga. They’re used to waking up to the sound of flashy cars roaring by and going past White Stuff and Jigsaw on the way to class, which objectively should not be a part of a typical student experience.

On the plus side, they are perfectly located to utilise their Pret subscription – which they probably didn’t even use the free trial for.

6. Uses the fourth floor of the library like it’s the Bongo’s smoking area

The incessant whispering on the top floor of the library could potentially be used as some form of torture by an illustrious but morally bankrupt regime.

As of Monday morning, they can be found doing the debrief that should have occurred in the kitchen of someone’s flat surrounded by students just trying to write their essays.

7. Still wears private school stash

In first year it’s borderline okay, especially if you pass it off as pyjamas. But beyond that, we get it, you went to one of the top boarding schools in the UK, no one cares. 

8. Wears head to toe Player Layer

They do sport, and don’t you know it. Why Not Wednesdays are the highlight of their week and they’ve got a bit (a lot) of a superiority complex that stems from getting up at 5am for training multiple times a week.

9. Posts bad jokes in the chat during online lectures

It takes a very particular and scary level of confidence to genuinely believe they’re funny enough that everyone on their course, plus their lecturers, want to hear the pun they just came up with. Honestly, it’s just cringe.

10. Can’t go out without getting completely hammered

A slightly more serious red flag than posting bad jokes – if they can’t go out and have just a few drinks, and instead opt for a completely cataclysmic level of drunk that leaves you forced to look after them, it’s not a good look.

If this is their bins, stay away

11. Obsessive over their Instagram

A night out with this person will quickly have you posing for photos with people you met 30 seconds ago in the queue for the cloakroom while trying not to look too drunk.

They also make you stop on the Royal Mile or around campus in order to cultivate the perfect Instagram aesthetic for their 1.5k followers. 

12. Wears shorts all through winter

It is definitely a sign of fragile masculinity when, during the 50 mile an hour winds of a named storm, this guy can be found with shorts flapping around their legs. Their legs will be completely covered in goose bumps and they will be starting to exhibit the initial signs of hypothermia before they admit wearing them was a stupid idea.

13. Gets Ocado deliveries

They don’t know what a Tesco Clubcard is, or even worse, judge you for shopping in Nicolson Street Lidl.

Never trust a student with an Ocado van outside their house.

In conclusion, if you find yourself with someone who ticks more and more of these boxes, do not settle. There’s plenty of actually nice students in the city who are much more worth your time.

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