Let’s talk about cheating: Forgiveness or let them go?

Perhaps the worst words you can ever hear are along the lines of: “I don’t know how to tell you but ___ has cheated on you”, or maybe, “I’m really sorry but I hooked up with someone else.” 

You then spiral into this pit where your heart is ripped into shreds and you can’t help but think about how this has happened. How was your judge of character so wrong? How could they do that to you? In that moment you feel stranded and lost. What do you do? Should you get back with them and give them a second chance? Or should you just drop them off the face of the planet and pretend they don’t exist?

There really isn’t a right answer, but if you’re in this situation then hopefully we can help you get through it. 

We put up a poll on our Instagram asking whether you’ve cheated, been cheated on, and whether cheating can ever be forgiven.

30 per cent of you said you had been cheated on, 14 per cent of you owned up to cheating, and 59 per cent of you thought cheating could never be forgiven.

Some of you even shared your personal experiences of cheating with us. 

One student told us about their ex boyfriend getting drunk,  and phoning her that night to tell her he’d “made out with half the club and did ‘something’ in the toilets too”. 

She told us that they broke up the next day. She also told us that she thinks in some circumstances the situation can be forgiven, but that she personally believes that cheating can’t be forgiven as she felt so betrayed. The student still feels upset and the thought that someone will do that again is in her head. She said she would have much rathered her partner communicating to her that they didn’t want to be together. 

I can assure this person that they are not alone. Another student told us that their other half cheated on them on a holiday, filmed it, and then sent it to them. Ouch.

A few responses we received agreed that some people in relationships who cheat can be forgiven, as some relationships are more open than others. 

Others responded with questions on what actually counts as cheating. Sometimes there are ‘blurred lines’ with what cheating is, but that is something you have to define in the relationship.

Some may say that cheating on your other half is one of the worst things you can do, whereas others are more accepting that it is an event that just happens sometimes, and most people go through it. Maybe the relationship is quite open so events can be forgiven.

Opinions on what cheating is varies, but there is a common consensus that if you have distinguished what cheating is in a relationship, and you break that trust, that’s what usually can’t be forgiven. Even if you felt like you were pushed to do it, cheating on someone is usually just a coward’s excuse to get out of the relationship. Self sabotage.

To people who have cheated that are reading this, think about the reason why you did it. I guarantee it’s because the relationship wasn’t for you and you didn’t know how to communicate your feelings. You’ll hate yourself for a long time but forgive yourself. One mistake doesn’t make you a bad person forever. Just use the experience as a learning curve and a wake up call that you need to communicate better. 

To the person reading this who has been cheated on in the past or recently, your heart will heal. You will meet someone who will treat you right, and I guarantee that this experience will make you stronger.

You don’t need to ever forgive the person who broke you, but don’t hold an eternal grudge either. They don’t deserve to even be a thought in your head. 

Recommended related articles by this writer:

• Yes, spiking is a problem, but giving more power to bouncers is not the answer

• The bartender’s polemic: The invasion of the Edinburgh fresher

• Edi students tell us their first year hall horror stories