10 ways to spice up your pantry sesh because clubs aren’t opening any time soon

With the UK nestling into stage 3 of its exit strategy, most of us freshers are sat wondering if we too will ever grace the Gari’s pole during freshers, or simply regretting taking a gap year in the first place.

With COVID-19 spiking for the second time around Europe and putting an end to our 5-day-villa-vacay-with-the-girlies, rona may put a fat plug on our anticipated Uber spews and three am kebab stops, as well as our sex lives. Don’t know about you but I’m still not keen on asking a one night stand to fill in a visitors form. Basically all the essentials to a night out has vanished.

In case this devastating speculation becomes a reality, I’ve got ten ways for you to spice up your night out, right from the safety of your prescribed rona bubble!

1. Plan a themed night

The best thing about flat parties is that you can literally wear anything you want: a morph suit, a Bojo costume, or even be random fruit. There is a zero judgement flavour to the night which is something you simply can’t find in WhyNot on a Saturday.  However, in your pantry, you can get smashed and pass out all in the same costume, in the same room! How convenient!

Princess night it is!

2. Play drinking games

Namely, Roxanne. Whip on The Police and get everyone smashed in 3 minutes and 15 seconds. For anyone that doesn’t know, it’s drink on “Roxanne” and spin around on “put on a red light”. If anyone plays the OTHER Roxanne, ask them to kindly see themselves back to their room where they can do TikTok dances alone.

3. Make a makeshift DJ booth

The materials for this one are entirely subjective. The turntable could simply be compiled of sad paper plates found in the back of the cupboard or, if you’re feeling particularly creative, stale pita breads that are probably harder than any vinyl you could find. One person can be the resident DJ and get the first-hand experience, down to negotiating with that one guy who requests Mr. Brightside seven times a night. Seriously, where does he think he is? Hive???

4. Steal food from the JMCC for afters

Unless you’re up for a three am trek from halls to a kebab shop you might as well grab some of your outstandingly nutritious, Michelin star food from the JMCC to munch on after the room starts to die down. Nothing like a bit of mouldy potato to end the night! Finish off with dessert – wishing you chose self-catered.

5. Don’t shag your flatmate

This one isn’t even a game. Just don’t. Social distancing may force you physically apart but no amount of space can break the shame.

6. Play online drinking games

In the dark months of March and April, the heart of the UK lockdown, a lot of us had time to explore new ways to get shitfaced without leaving the house. Our discoveries are coming in handy now, especially now once you have to head back from the pub after you’re served your sorry 90 minutes.

Skull to symbolize the hangover to come :/

Drunk Pirate is an online drinking game with the sole purpose of getting you drunk: simple AND efficiemt. The cards dictate what you’ve got to do to drink, such as “drink if you have an apple product” (pretty much targets the whole of Pollock) to “drink if you have a job”, which let’s be honest, is none of us for the upcoming future.

7. Unironically blast some sing-alongs

Sure, we all want to seem cool in our first few weeks at uni, but how about we break the façade early and whip out our shower playlists in the first semester. Everyone was bound to discover your guilty pleasure of the HSM soundtrack.

8. Drink some Coronas

It’s a pun that will be made mere thousands of times this year, might as well start early.

9. Play drunk icebreakers

During your typical freshers, a lot of bonding occurs in the secret sharing of a hidden bottle of voddy at predrinks or a drunken pep-talk in the club toilets. Now we have to actually TALK to each other to get mates?! The perfect middle ground can be found by boozing up your classic ice-breakers. Start simple; never have I ever, but take a shot every time one of your fingers goes down along with a shred of your dignity. This’ll give you the chance to expose that one time you projectile chunned out the window of an Uber. Five star review pending.

10. And crucially, pray that clubs open soon

Because we’re all going to get sick of the pantry and the stench of someone’s forgotten cheese in the fridge.

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