Here’s a round-up of all the Edi Uni boys you’re bound to get with at some point
Pls don’t let it be another New Town snob
With Edi Uni having a 40:60 male to female ratio, almost every boy falls perfectly into one of the young chaps categories that can be found at Edinburgh. Whether it was a quick pull at the club or the beginning of a deep romance, the chances that you’ll experience every type of boy at least once are inevitable.
Here’s a summary of the types of Edi boy that you will most definitely get with during your 4 years here, if you haven’t already:
The Chancellor’s boy
He sees you across the dancefloor during a Wednesday rugby social. He’s a good looking lad and it happens. With the lack of truly handsome guys at Edinburgh, one is destined to fall for the Chancellor’s trap. He’s most likely from Harrow, Eton or Radley and will go at any length to make sure you don’t forget his soon-to-be wealthy inheritance. He will also not shut up about his school’s rugby team. God, it’s like he’s still there.
The random Pollock
He seems cool, he’s good-looking and he can dance. He doesn’t grind on you like the others, has good chat and seems like a catch. You wonder why you’ve never heard about him until you go back to his room and find out all about the weird quirks that he has.
Bonus points if he showed you his virtual fireplace instead of paying attention to you clearly awaiting some action. Iconic.
The Marchmont second year
Just moved out of halls and having a fantastic time at house parties. When clubs do call his name, he likes to tell you how much he loved living in halls and how he wishes he could go back. Back in his freezing cold flat, you have an average shag just to have an awkward encounter with one of his flatmates when you leave in the morning or God forbid run to the toilet completely naked at 4 am.
The New Town second year
Not sure what makes him think he’s better than everyone else when he has to take an Uber to even see his friends across the Meadows. He definitely thinks more of himself than you do. For the sake of it, you go back with him for an okay night and find yourself a 40 minute walk away from home the next morning. You promise yourself you will never stay in Newtown again until you break your promise the next time your drunken self just cannot take your hands off another snob.
The fourth year
Just came back from their year abroad. Extremely stressed about their diss and only goes out once a week. Their body count quota has fallen dramatically since freshers. Lives further out in a quieter part of Edi and you’re wondering if this is all really worth it. His experience high, his current count low – he gives you the time of your life. Happy and satisfied, you wake up just to find him being kind in the morning too and even having put your phone on charge. 10/10 would recommend.
The ‘nice’ guy
His reputation is flawless. You have only heard good things about his personality and he’s cute too. He makes a move on you and you think you might faint not comprehending that you’re lucky enough for him to fancy you. He treats you nicely, kisses you goodbye and even makes nice small talk with you when you run into him. You’re basically in love and tell everyone about him. It happens again and it’s confirmed: it’s true love.
A few days later your poor soul finds out that he is now ‘seeing’ the girl he slept with last night. Of course, it is your fault because you didn’t come out like you said you would.
The Scottish guy
Not your type at all. Very different to your usual catch. An irresistible Scottish accent. You only see him from afar slandering the overwhelming English students with his other Scottish friends. It only makes you want him more. You finally get his attention one night and spend the entire night trying to prove you’re not just another yah. It all works out perfectly and he comes back with you. Alas, he won’t sleep with you straightaway. He’s a just really nice guy. Well, either that or he noticed all your gap yah décor and ran.
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The Tinder guy
You two have met before briefly through mutual friends when you were really drunk. You see each other around but don’t talk. One day you innocently match on tinder and you end up telling him where you’re going that night. To your biggest surprise (not) he is also there, and you end up going home together. You have a good time. You never talk again. End of story.
It starts with intense eye contact and ends with a tiny smirk every time you see them around campus. It is an innocent uni crush and nothing more. When he chirpses you, you expect big things and you’re not disappointed in his bnoc personality until you go home together. How his rep has remained is inexplicable to you. The worst of them all. An actual nightmare. You don’t know whether you should be glad it happened, so you can learn from it or whether you should wish it never happened.
The ‘girlfriend type of guy’
You’re both drunk and you get together once. You become friends and there you are doing it again. Strictly as friends you think until he writes you a love song and you find out he’s planned his marriage proposal from one of his friends. You break his heart. There are tears, but the friendship makes it. He still gets upset at you chirpsing other guys so you get with his best friend. Your bad experiences were karma for what you did to this poor guy.