Every type of annoying person you’ll encounter in a Zoom seminar

With classes either being cancelled or moved online, a lot of Edinburgh courses have turned to Zoom to allow students and tutors to still meet. Zoom is a great way to meet digitally in this time of COVID-19, but it’s definitely a strange and new experience for students who are used to meeting on campus and not from the comfort of their homes. So, here is a definitive guide of the different kinds of people you will encounter in a Zoom tutorial (for better or for worse).

Everything gets moved online…

Mr/Miss Class Participation

That person from your tutorial who has an opinion on literally everything just gets worse over Zoom. Because of how often they speak, their face is at the front of your screen for the entirety of the session. You can’t escape them and now they’ve made their way into your home. Thanks, Zoom.

My face when someone speaks for the tenth time in a 40-minute seminar

The background changer

One minute they’re sitting in their bedroom, the next they’re sitting underneath Big Ben. Annoying? Maybe. But there’s no doubt this individual is truly going places and making the most of their social distancing. Committing to a forty minute seminar with Baby Yoda as your background is dedication, and I respect it.

The eater

Would you whip out a three-course meal during a regular offline seminar? I should hope not. Then why are you making me watch you eat your soup and toastie lunch over Zoom? I don’t want to hear you chewing through your Macbook microphone. Get a grip.

Just have lunch after the seminar, you animal!

The one with bad internet connection

This person is really trying to be a part of things but either we can’t understand a word they’re saying or everything they say is three seconds delayed. Even the tutor gives up and just responds to all their muffled comments with: “What a good point, thank you.” Maybe try sitting closer to your router?

The lurker

Okay, seriously, if you join a virtual meeting just to turn your video and audio off and watch from a distance, you shouldn’t be allowed to attend. If I have to look at my own face for 40 straight minutes, so do you. At least turn your video on and show us your embarrassing childhood bedroom, coward.

Pure snake

Mumma’s boy (or girl)

This is the student who constantly has their mum coming in and out of their room. It’s a tough one. It’s not your fault that your mum forgets that you’re in class and keeps coming in to ask if you need any pants washed, but like, it’s called a lock.

The hair stylist

This is the girl that goes through about seven different hair styles throughout the course of the seminar. They’re annoying in the library, and they’re even worse over video chat. Paying attention in a Zoom meeting is hard enough as is without Jennifer going from french braids to a high pony every five minutes.

Pick. One.

The one who brings their pet

Here we have it, the hero of the Zoom class. YES I would love for you to put your cat in your lap while you lecture me on Restoration Theatre. Is that your dog in the background? Not a problem. These may be difficult and uncertain times, but at least I’m getting to meet my tutor’s cocker spaniel.

Best of luck to everyone in these weird, new circumstances. Here’s to us being together in a classroom once again, whenever that may be.