An Edi third year has written a poem about how much she hates her flatmate

At Edinburgh we turn to poetry when the going gets tough


Every flat has that one flatmate everyone hates. Maybe you didn't know them at all when they moved in, or maybe you knew them too well. You could kick, you could scream, but the fact of the matter is that nine months is a bloody long time to live with someone. It makes everyone's life easier if you all pretend to get along, and just bitch to your mum about them instead.

An Edinburgh student has taken finding coping mechanisms to a new level, however, and has written a poem about how much she hates her flatmate.

The student – who would naturally prefer to stay anonymous in order to retain her personal safety in her flat – slid into The Edinburgh Tab's DMs saying: "My flatmate is annoying me so much that I have written a secret passive aggressive poem". She added: "Dunno if there is anything more lame and British than using literary devices as a secret and pointless lesson".

As a disclaimer, and in reference to the shuffling, the writer explained: "The shuffle thing is because she has the most annoying slipper things that she shuffles about the house in all day". She continued: "Omg I think if I hear the shuffle again I'm going to combust."

Without further ado, the poem – which is actually very impressive – is as follows:

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The Edinburgh Tab spoke to the student to find out more about her flatmate and how poetry helped her though these dark times.

What inspired you to write this poem?

Inspired might not be the right word. However, what drove me to write this poem was a lot of pent up anger about my flatmate who is the world's biggest moaner. Everything she has to say is a complaint – she is literally sucking the life out of the rest of us! She is such a negative presence to have around that even tiny actions like her walking are driving me nutty.

What made you turn to poetry to express how you feel? Would you recommend this coping mechanism to others?

I turned to poetry because I am a massive pussy and could never have an actual constructive discussion. It's the pettiest, most pointless form of anger management, but it actually really worked because it felt good to get the frustration out into something tangible. Though it is of very low literary quality, it had a high satisfaction rate. And yes – if you too dabble in petty/passive aggressive warfare then add poetry to your repertoire! It's very cathartic.

Do you think your flatmate will ever read it and work out its about her?

I really hope she doesn't read the poem just for the fear. However, like all deluded energy vampires she describes herself as a "positive person" so to be honest she would probably never guess that it was about her.

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